This country is Bhutan, a landlocked country in South Asia, located at the eastern end of the Himalaya Mountains and bordering on India and Tibet.

A british study done by researchers at the university of Leicester in 2006 has mapped the world for happiness (the World Map of Happiness) and came to the conclusion that Bhutan is the happiest nation in Asia (and 8th happiest in the world).

The term Gross National Happiness (GNH) was coined in 1972 by the former King of Bhutan who wanted to help Bhutan enter the age of modernization by focusing more on positive contributions to well-being rather than the traditional concept of economic growth with its known cost on the environment and the increasing loss of meaning for the individual.

Grounded in Buddhist ideals, the GNH concept suggests that development of human society takes place when material and spiritual development occur side by side to complement and reinforce each other, providing meaning and growth for people.

The four pillars of GNH are the promotion of sustainable development, preservation and promotion of cultural values/integrity, conservation of the natural environment and establishment of good governance.

Maybe there is something we can learn from Bhutan ! According to a BBC survey 81% of Britain’s population would rather the government make them happier than richer.

What do we do with the riches anyway if they don’t make us happy, right ? There are plenty of studies by now which show that beyond covering the basics (a shelter, clothes to cover our body and enough food to survive) more money does not make us happier. So why do we – and more importantly our governments – still strive to become wealthier in monetary terms, using GDP as a measurement of our progress ?

Harvard Professor Tal Ben Shahar coined the phrase: “Happiness is the new currency”.  Indeed, isn’t happiness the ultimate currency ? Isn’t the really wealthy person the one who has the most happiness regardless of whether his is rich or poor in our modern definitions ?

Why don’t we bypass the money part and jump straight to our end end goal: greater well-being for all of us.

There are now validated measurement systems to measure this seemingly elusive concept of happiness, so we no longer need to worry about not being able to quantify our progress.

I would love to hear your thoughts !

This second answer had no more appeal to me than the first one; firstly because I could neither make it with my craft materials, nor could I buy it in the shops and secondly because it seemed equally non-inspirational.

Health ? As a child we take it for granted. As a young adult we start to realize how its absence can have devastating effects in the middle of an important project at work … so we get annoyed when we fall ill…. curse our illness as if it’s  nothing but an unexpected obstacle on our path.

With more and more life experience and a few more serious health crisis’ under our belt be become more respectful towards this secret language of our body.  Those fortunate enough to have become more aware, realize that the body “talks” to us through pain and other bodily symptoms. We begin to listen. This is a breakthrough. We still get our body’s messages wrong from time to time as we are perfecting our communication with each other but we are improving.

Finally, we develop a whole new relationship and we realize this body of mine is on my side. It’s not there to stop me or hold me back from my important projects. It’s there to support me, to keep me going in the long run to provide the right environment for my mind and my ideas to flourish – it’s my friend !

Through a headache it warns me that I am taking on too much today, that I should rest. Through a flu it tells me to drop it all and THINK before I pick up the many pieces again. Maybe a few pieces don’t deserve my attention anymore, maybe I am stressing about things that are not worth it when I take the time to step back and see the big picture.

Life threatening illness can alert us to much more. They shake up your life entirely. They put your life as it used to be to such an abrupt and brutal hold that your head gets knocked against the wall before you can even begin to think again.

Those lucky enough to get through it (and I will ever be grateful to have been one of them and be able to be around for my little daughter) will feel like they start a new life.  Nothing will be like before. What mattered so much before, is a small matter now. Suddenly, things become so much clearer. As if for a moment the clouds disappear and you see clearly into the blue sky: you understand the few things that truly matter to you, and they are so different from what you put most of your energy to before….

Health is now everything. It’s safety. As long as we are healthy, we can think new solutions, create new paths for us and our families and get back on our feet regardless what life throws at us.

Life can take away our job, our house, our car, our little treats and luxuries… but it can’t take away our opinions, our thoughts and ideas, our experiences, capabilities and beliefs.

As long as we are healthy we can use these latter ones to build up the first one’s again.

Health is everything.

It’s not just important.  It’s your safety net.  It’s your friend.

Make it your best friend !

People talk about dream holidays and travel companies offer all types of dream holidays. All types ?

If you ask 50 different people about what their dream holiday would be like, you need to be ready for 50 different answers. Indeed, everyone is different and so are our unspoken expectations of a dream holiday.

What we know about a dream holiday is that it is a holiday where everything is just great or even perfect – but only for YOU. What a dream holiday is to one, can be a nightmare to another or totally uninspiring at best.

In order to find or create a true dream holiday for yourself, you need to know yourself. Specifically, you need to be aware of what matters most to you on a holiday. It’s not about planning the execution, it’s about finding your personal strategy.

You could try two different techniques:

Ask yourself “If I could have ANY (absolutely any) holiday I wanted,  what would I choose ?” Now either paint a perfect picture in your mind imaging every detail of the perfect holiday for you; alternatively write down bullet points of things that are truly important on a dream holiday for you. It doesn’t matter whether your list or picture is very concrete e.g. a lonely jungle hut in the rain forest or more general e.g. calmness, no time pressure, no timetable, nature, hot, sunshine, etc.

Once you have a clear picture or a list of at least 20 points ask yourself

“What about this picture / each of the 20 points is important to me ?” Try to figure out what about each part of your picture or list it is that matters so much to you. Which new insights can you gather ?

Which other ways (other than your picture/20 points) can you see that would le you have what matters to you so much ?

Now ask: “What would it be like if I got it (the picture/ the 20 points) ?” “What would that give me ?”

Finally ask yourself on a scale from 0-10 how much of a dream holiday your picture or list would be (0= my nightmare holiday, 10 = my total dream holiday)

If you score a 8-10, you have the perfect blueprint or 20 criteria for choosing or creating a holiday which will truly become a dream experience for you. If you score any less than that, ask yourself “What’s missing  ?” and then add that to your picture or list.

Rather than getting seduced by other people’s definitions of dream holidays (including the travel agents) you can now create or look out for one that fits your needs and dreams exactly. A holiday created in this way is garantueed to make you feel fabulous.

The eight sections in the Wheel of Happiness represent different aspects of your life. Seeing the center of the wheel as 0 and the outer edges as 10, rank your level of currently felt satisfaction and happiness with each life area by drawing a straight or curved line to create a new outer edge. The new perimeter represents the wheel of your overall happiness at the moment. If this were a real wheel, how bumpy or rough is the ride for you right now ? Which area of your life most impacts your overall happiness ? Which areas of your life need attention ?

WHAT IS TRUST AND WHY DOES IT MATTER  ?

There are two types of trust: external, i.e. expecting a positive outcome or internal, i.e. expecting to be able to turn everything into an opportunity or something positive. Essentially the first type is trust in others/the world and the second one is trust in yourself.

Both types of trust result from YOUR CHOICE – subconsciously or consciously. Once you realize you can’t control everything (and trust me you can’t), you only have two choices: trust or distrust.

If you have been lucky enough to have had parents or role models that created a safe environment for you you probably trust naturally and the whole idea hasn’t emerged to your consciousness much. If, however, you weren’t quite so lucky you probably naturally distrust. In that case becoming more trusting will be an ACTIVE effort that will pay rich dividends to you while being a gift to those around you.

Research has shown that trusting people are happier, better liked by others, more honest and more moralistic do-gooders. If you feel trust you can let go of some of your need to control. You can let things happen and “go with the flow”. It’s a peaceful stress-free way of life.

Trust creates a feeling of safety for those around you. Think about it. If you feel that those around trust you, you feel safe in trying out new things and excelling at whatever you do. Mistakes become opportunities to learn. If you feel there’s distrust, you play small, you are afraid to make mistakes and focus your energy on avoiding them rather than learning from them.

WHAT IS YOUR DEFAULT POSITION ?

Everyone trusts some and not others. I am talking about your general disposition here. Even a trusting person who has been hurt or disappointed stops trusting a certain person but he/she doesn’t stop trusting the rest of the world. A distrusting person generally distrusts everyone and continues to do so even after one person has managed to earn his/her trust. Are you generally someone who trusts until proven wrong or someone who distrusts until proven wrong ?

WHAT IF I CAN’T TRUST ?

Well, that means you live a life driven by fear. You constantly expect others to have negative intentions and exploit you. You expect life to disappoint you and you look for proof for it of which you find abundant occurrence (you’d find equal proof of the opposite but you’re not focusing on that so you don’t see it).

Using the word “can’t trust” is misleading yourself. It suggests that you are not in control of “doing the trusting thing” and that someone or something else is in the way of you being a more trusting person. Who or what would that be ? Of course there is nothing or no one else ! You are not in control of others’ behaviours and the world’s events but you are in control of whether you trust or not.

Face the reality. If you really wanted to be more trusting you could. The issue is not that you can’t but that you don’t want to because you are afraid of being hurt or disappointed That’s being honest. Now have a look at the chart below and you will understand that the risk of being hurt occasionally is still well worth the effort of being trusting.

WHY TRUST IS THE ONLY WAY !

.. .. .. OTHER PERSON		ME
		I trust	I don’t trust
	Good Person	I was RIGHT Rewarding deep Experience	I was WRONG Missed Opportunity
	Bad Person	I was WRONG Unexpected Disappointment/Hurt	I was RIGHT Expected disappointment/hurt or No relationship at all

Only when you trust do you have a chance of a positive enriching experience/relationship ! Not trusting garantuees that you will have no rewarding relationship because you either miss the good ones or at best correctly predict the bad ones which you then – understandably – dismiss. Net, if you want meaningful relationships you must trust.

Do you see how you can dare to try being trusting because the alternative is so undesirable,  such a certain  loss ?

You know already that trust is a conscious choice. It’s something you can choose to believe “ I believe that the world and the people in it are inherently good “.

HOW TO HANDLE DISAPPOINTMENT WHEN I DO TRUST ?

Now you have understood that the only chance to develop meaningful relationships (both with people and general events) is by trusting. That of course entails a risk of being disappointment every now and then. Here are a few stragies to keep the hurt and disappointment small.

1. First of all, know that trust breeds good behaviour (like a self fulfilling prophecy) and that trusting people therefore experience fewer disappointments then non trusting people because

a. We feel honoured when someone simply trusts us or gives us the benefit of the doubt. In return we behave better in order to live up to that image (signs of trust are openness, sharing of intimate, personal or sensitive information, somebody makes himself vulnerable, somebody tells us they trust us).

b. We feel a bigger barrier to distrustful behaviour or to being dishonest when we know someone actively trusts us. It’s as if betraying someone who actively put their trust into us is a more serious betrayal then someone who never really trusted us anyway.

2. If, however, you do get disappointed, use the following strategies:

First of all, don’t take it personal. We suffer most because we believe a betrayal was an act against us but it hardly ever is. When people betray us they usually act from a place of low resources, from feeling trapped and cornered. Secondly, try and understand the betrayal from the perspective of the other person. Often you will be able to understand their perceived lack of options at the time. Understanding their deceitful behaviour doesn’t mean you are forgiving it, although it might well make you want to forgive – provided you still believe in the person as a whole. If you empathize enough with the other person, see their tricky situation and decide to give the person a second chance, go for it. Otherwise, exclude him/her from your circle of trusted people.

Research has found that trusting people forgive readily as soon as they understand the other person’s problems or what made them deviate from their normal pattern.

HOW CAN I GET STARTED WITH TRUSTING MORE ?

Trust is something you learn from your parents or the significant people around you in your early years. When you have had repeated experience of being able to rely on those around you, you feel safe in your environment and you dare to feel trust towards other people.

If you haven’t been lucky enough to have trusting people around you, you can still become more trusting:

1. Start with being more honest with yourself AND become more self-accepting at the same time. Who are you ? Write an honest description about yourself and pretend it’s for your grand or grand grand children. Include your good and bad traits and all your roles, e.g. a parent, a colleague, an entertainer etc. We tend to forget our good ones and exaggerate our faults, so make sure you include what your friends and those who like/love you, would have to say about you. Now have a look at the not-so-good traits and habits of yours. Accept them by saying “I am xyz and it is OK”. This doesn’t mean you’ll never change but you accept them right now. They are part of you and make you the wonderful person you are.  The more accepting you are about who you are and who you are not the less vulnerable you are and the easier it will be for your to trust others (ok, I am crap at ironing and I don’t like it and it’s OK ! – there’s other things I am good at).
2. Consciously choose to believe that the world and the people in it are inherently good. This belief will feel uncomfortable at first but commit to finding evidence for it. For the next 7 days collect evidence of all the good and decent behaviour around you. Don’t take it for granted, notice it, acknowledge your neighbours greeting, your butchers honest weighing of your meat etc. You will conclude that there are indeed good people around you. And don’t forget you don’t have a real alternative anyway: you either trust and have a chance of rewarding experiences/relationships or you dis-trust and get garantueed dissatisfaction – a no-brainer really !
3. Now act as if you totally trust, i.e. as if you totally believe that the people around you are good, mean well and want good for you. When your partner doesn’t come home at the expected time consciously think that this can only be due to the car having broken down, his mate holding him back or anything else out of his control. See this as a sign of your loyalty to your partner and enjoy the strength that comes from such thinking. If life throws a disastrous event in your path, trust that there must be some good in this and that you just haven’t spotted it yet. Look out for it. It’s ALWAYS there.

THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN WORRIED AND HAPPY PEOPLE
Stressed people always have too many worries all rooted in one basic fear: the fear of not meeting expectations (whose expectations anyway? and how important are these people really?).
Happy people have worries, too, but the difference is that they know how to deal with them effectively and get rid of them fast. This article will make these tools available to you, too.

WORRIES GROW WITH ATTENTION TO THEM
Most people cannot let go of their worrisome thoughts as if forgetting about them will make the dreaded thing happen. Guess what? The opposite is true. Worries grow the more attention you give them. The great news, however, is: you already have the power to make them go away. And this article will show you how to use it.

WORRIES ARE THOUGHTS WHICH MAKE YOU FEEL BAD – REPLACE THEM
To reassure you straight away that it is possible, just make yourself aware of the fact that worries are nothing but thoughts which make you feel bad. Yes, worries are thoughts that derive from thinking about a possible negative outcome, an unwanted turn of events. Who chooses what you think? I hope your answer is: ME, or else we have a different issue to tackle. So if YOU decide what you think, then YOU are in control of what sort of thoughts you want to have, right? Once you become aware of this simple fact, you instantly know WHAT to do: replace the painful and unpleasant thoughts with more uplifting and energizing ones.
This leaves the question of the HOW to do that. After a few more important facts about worries, this article will show you several strategies on how to take control over your thoughts.

WORRIES ARE USELESS – HERE IS THE PROOF
Worries are the anti-thesis to happiness. They distract you from enjoying life and the NOW – the only time to experience happiness. Here is why ALL worries are wasted:
40% of worries are about events that will never happen
30% of worries are about events that have already happened
22% of worries are about trivial events
4% of worries are about events we cannot change
4% of worries are about real events on which we can act
(and these are also wasted because we can actually do something about them)

THE ROOT CAUSE OF ALL WORRIES
There is one underlying for all sorts of worries. It is the fear not to be able to handle the situation. That’s it. Whatever you worry about, ultimately, you are afraid of not being able to handle the consequences. The truth is, however, you will always be able to find a way forward. That way forward may not be the one you had in mind before, but it will be there. Even if you don’t know a way forward now, trust that you will figure it out when it all comes to it. TRUST is a key concept here. Just imagine, you would KNOW that whatever happens, whatever life throws at you, you will manage somehow, you will find some sort of way forward. If you knew that, what would there be left to fear? The answer is: NOTHING. And what if life always gave you exactly what you needed to make progress in your personal development? Then you could relax and let it come – whatever it is. Decide to trust: ” Whatever happens, I will handle it” and notice how it makes you feel.

FACT: THERE IS NO PROGRESS WITHOUT FEAR AND WORRIES
The fact is, as long as you develop fear and worries will ALWAYS be in your life. Yes! They will NEVER go away. Everytime you try something new, you step out of your comfort zone, and the uncertainty about the outcome will produce feelings of fear and worrisome thoughts. This is the same for everyone. Once you know that fear and worries will always be part of a meaningful and exciting life, you can relax and focus your energy on managing your worries rather than fighting them. The best way to manage fear and worries is to go ahead regardless of them and trust that you can handle whatever comes next. Make fear and worries your companion in life.

6 STRATEGIES TO DEAL WITH WORRIES:
1. USE LOGIC
Ask yourself what is really true about this fear or worry? Go and find the facts alone or with a partner. You will see that most worries are totally generalized, over-exaggerated or plain false! Thoughts like “nobody likes me” are rarely ever true and yet their devastating effect on your emotions is as real as if it was. So don’t TRUST your worries! Once you have the facts (e.g. well, my mum likes me, my neighbour/doctor likes me etc. etc), the worry loses its power. There is a story about a man seeing Dr. Schuller I would like to share with you”

The man said, “It’s over. I’m finished. All my money has gone. I’VE LOST EVERYTHING.”
Dr. Schuller asked, “Can you still see?”
The man replied, “Yes, I can still see.”
Dr. Schuller asked, “Can you still walk?”
The man replied, “Yes, I can still walk.”
Schuller said, “Obviously you can still hear of you wouldn’t have phoned me.”
“Yes, I can still hear.”
“Well,” Schuller said, “I figure you have got about EVERYTHING LEFT. All you have lost is your money!”

This story is a bit simplistic but simplistic examples make the point: we tend to generalize “lost everything” and feel the respective negative feelings, when in reality we (only) lost some/a lot of money.

2. REMIND YOURSELF, THAT BAD THINGS DON’T HAPPEN THAT OFTEN
We tend to expect the worst everytime but the worst hardly ever happens. How often has the worst case scenario truly come to life for you? Rarely, I bet. So why do we insist that next time it will happen? It’s simply a bad habit. So tell yourself, that the worst thing happens very rarely!

3. REMIND YOURSELF, THAT EVEN IF THINGS ARE A LITTLE BIT BAD, YOU CAN HANDLE IT AND GET THROUGH IT
So even if things don’t work out the way you hoped. It’s hardly ever the end of the world. Focus on the things you are still grateful for and try and see something positive in the outcome even if it’s difficult to spot at first. I had cancer a couple of years ago and it felt like the end of the world at first, but it was also a blessing for me, a wake up call to re-focus on what truly matters to me, rather than blindly following the expectations of my boss/my company/society as a whole. If nothing else, you will always find some learning in a bad outcome – learning you would never have had, had it turned out otherwise! So look for the little good in the bad and keep going.

Next time you find yourself despairing, ask yourself these questions:
1. Have I got enough air to breathe?
2. Have I got enough food for today?
3. Am I going to survive?
If the answer is YES, things are already looking up!
So often, we magnify things out of proportion. The worst thing that could happen is probably very inconvenient, but not the end of the world.
If it helps you, make a plan of what you would do in the worst case scenario. This often helps to realize that things won’t be all that bad after all and you will gain some valuable peace of mind.

4. IGNORE YOUR WORRIES
You already know that worries grow with attention. The opposite is true as well. When you don’t spend time on them, worries shrivel and go away!
Obviously you cannot simply NOT worry at all but you can manage your worries. Set a specific worry time every day: 15 minutes in which you are allowed to worry about everything and anything. Just don’t do it outside your worry time.
If your worry pops up outside worry time, either imagine a box in your mind in which you lock this worry till it’s time or simply write it on a piece of paper and then put it away till worry time. You know you will spend time on it later.

Ask others to support you with this. Inform them about when your worry time is! Distract yourself with something else in the meantime. As if you switch a television channel, change thinking channel by remembering a happy memory, something that made you fell fabulous. Remember it with all your senses (what you see, hear, smell, felt, tasted). Alternatively think of something you are good at (comforting your child, folding clothes, skiing or coming up with ideas etc etc). Use this tool everytime you need to, ideally 5 minutes daily.

At first this will feel hard, as you have so many worries and you can’t wait to think or talk about them. After a while, however, something remarkable will happen…your list or your mental box won’t be as full as you thought.

5. STAND UP TO YOUR WORRY & TALK BACK
Did you know that your worry is actually a bully? As long as you take it, the bully will continue to mistreat you. Imagine the bully as an ugly creature. Get angry and talk back.
At first the bully is still stronger than you (after all it had you under control for so long) but you can train to win this match. You already know that your worry bully generalizes, over-exaggerates and lies. He will try and make you believe that the worst thing will definitely happen when it is very unlikely to happen. So don’t trust it! TALK BACK and imagine kicking or flicking it away. Keep doing that (the bully sees you as a weakling you listens to everything) as the bully will try again several times. Keep busy with something else.

6. STRENGTHEN YOUR BODY – RELAX AND EXERCISE
Research shows that good nutrition, regular exercise and sufficient 6-8 hours of sleep keep worries away. Without it, you literally invite the worries into your life.

Do you belong to those who have given up setting New Year’s Resolutions because you came to the conclusion that they don’t work for you ? Then you have come to the right place.

Most NY Resolutions fail for 3 reasons:

1. Your resolution is actually a favour to someone else and YOU don’t REALLY want the result (e.g. I’ll be nicer to my nagging mother-in-law). After the first 3 weeks you are back to believing that that mother-in-law actually deserves a kick up the backside.

2. You haven’t made is strong, it’s way too vague and non-specific (e.g. I’ll exercise more and eat more healthy – that resolution is achieved after one extra apple and taking the stairs instead of the lift once, but is that what you meant ? ).  Often people set negatively phrased NY Resolutions (e.g. I’ll no more alcohol during the week). Such resolutions are so uninspiring, that you are setting yourself up for disaster.  What would you like to do instead ? Compare the previous resolution with this one: “Everytime I’ll feel like a drink during the week, I’ll make myself a yummy fruit cocktail and call my friend”.

Finally, most resolutions are phrased as “Have” or “Do” resolutions (e.g. I want to “have” more money or I will “do” more sports). The most powerful resolutions, however, have 3 parts: a “Be”, a “Do” and a “Have” part. To “have” more money, you need to commit to “doing” something more or different and “being” a different person, e.g. more courageous or more organized.

3. You aren’t prepared to work for it (e.g. I will lose 10 kg next year). If there is no real benefit to YOU of losing any weight, then why bother ? Doctor’s warnings etc are all nice and well, but you need to make it personally desirable to have a chance to succeed. Losing 10kg to prevent diseases feels rather tedious. Losing 10kg to be able to play football with your son again or to take part in those hiking excursions that sound like so much fun, is a completely different matter.

Not wanting to work for a resolution is actually a result of not really wanting the end result. I am dead certain, if you really really want something you will move the earth to get it.  So the secret is to put your goal in a way that makes it irresistibly attractive to YOU.

And then, there is commitment – deciding that you will simply do it, give it a full blown try despite your doubts and hesitations. Wrestling with your own inner voice is almost the hardest part but I will share some techniques with you below that get that inner voice to go on vacation.

So let’s dive into the

DEVELOP & GROW “New Year’s Resolutions That Work” Process (copyrighted – a proprietory process for your private use only – see below)

STEP 1: Set Your New Year’s Resolution

Whether you already thought of some resolutions or haven’t even started, your main aim now is to create some goals for the next 12 months which really get you excited. To help you with that, use the following exercise.

Journey Into The Future:

Close your eyes, breathe deeply and become conscious of your muscles. Start by concentrating on the muscles in your lower back. Every time you breathe out let the tension go and feel how your muscles become more relaxed. Move your consciousness to the muscles in your upper back and your shoulders, breathe away any tension there, then move on into your arms, hands and fingers. Travel up your neck and remove any tension here before you raise further to your jaw, face and scalp. Now do the same thing moving down and breathing away tension in your chest, stomach, pelvis, thighs and then calves and feet.

As you continue to breathe in and out, imagine yourself one year from now.

Think about what would make this coming year your best year ever ? What would not just make it good but exceptional and outstanding ?

Really think about what is truly important to YOU ! What would be a great place or situation to be in, in 12 months from now ? What would be a place or situation you would be proud to be in ?

In that place or situation: What do you notice …? What do you see around you ? Who do you see around you ?  What sort of things do these people say ? Which other sounds do you hear in that wonderful place one year from now ?

How does it feel in that space ? Really check in with yourself, what does it feel like in that beautiful place or situation 12 months from today ?

What’s the air like and the light ? What does it smell of ? Take in the whole atmosphere of you in 12 months from now and paint as colourful and vivid a picture in your mind as you can.

Once you have a detailed mental picture that feels fabulous to you, you can take a break.

Now go back to imagine that you are in this future situation or place, whatever it was that needed to change or be done to get there, has happened. Imagining that you are already 12 months into the future, you will look back at the past 12 months as from that future place they are already history. Imagine you HAVE made this year your best year ever ! WOW.  See yourself one year from now sitting in a comfy chair, satisfied and exhilarated reflecting back upon the past 12 months.

What kind of person were you in those 12 months ? How were you different than before ? How would those closest to you describe how you were in ? Listen to their words. How would other (less close) people describe you.

What changes did you make in the last 12 months ? What exactly did you do ? What did you achieve ? What was different ? What did you like best about it and what did you like least ? What did your partner say to the things you had changed or achieved in those 12 months ? Which other people made comments and which one’s ?

Now notice your breathing again, in and out. At the count of 3 you will be opening your eyes and come back feeling relaxed and refreshed but you will not talk for another 2 minutes. I am counting: 3, noticing the sounds around you, 2 stretching your arms and legs and 1, open your eyes and come back.

Take the sheet in front of you and write down the details of your journey into the future. A few questions are there to help you remember it. This is only for yourself and you will not need to share your notes with anyone.

Now take a few minutes to write down your thoughts:

JOURNEY INTO THE FUTURE

Now use the above notes to phrase an inspiring goal or resolution for the next 12 months. Be bold. For now, don’t worry about how you will achieve it, just make sure you are truly excited about it.

My New Years Resolution

This year I truly want to:________________________________________________

STEP 2: Boost Your New Year’s Resolutions Strength

Have a look at the statement you’ve just written and use the following strength boosters:

* Is the resolution mine ? Is it something that I truly want not something I should be wanting (or my my husband/wife/partner, my kids, my parents etc want) ? If necessary, rephrase it to something that YOU truly want and care about. Do it right now.

* Is it phrased in the positive (e.g. I will eat healthy food rather than I won’t eat chocolate anymore)  ? If not, turn it into a positive NOW.

*Does it make you enthusiastic and inspire you ? If not, rework it.

* Does it fit into your life and is it realistic, i.e. do you believe that you can do it ? Being able to fly without technical help wouldn’t be realistic. Change it to make it realistic (while keeping it exciting).

* Is is measurable ? Ask yourself how you would know that you have achieved your resolution ? What would be a tangible sign that you are there ? Make sure you include this in your resolution.

STEP 3: Complete Your New Year’s Resolution

Every goal and every resolution has 3 parts, a “Be”, a “Do” and a “Have” part. Usually we phrase our resolutions as either a “Be”, a “Do” or a “Have” resolution, e.g. “I want to have 5 more regular clients (“have”) or “I want to go to gym twice a week( “do”) ” or “I want to be a great friend who takes time and listens(“be”)”.

To succeed with your New Years Resolution you need to be aware of all 3 parts.  So go ahead and determine whether your resolution above is a “Be”, a “Do” or a “Have” resolution. Then write your resolution into the respective column. Now you are ready to find its two partners in the remaining column.

BE-DO-HAVE Table

STEP 3: Commit To Your New Year’s Resolution

Specifically commit to the “Be” (I am a sporty person) and “Do” (I exercise at least 3 times a week) parts of your resolution and the “Have” part (I will have a great body) will come automatically.

Now think about your resolution one last time and say YES to it in your mind. Write it into the YES column below. If you say wholeheartedly YES to your resolution, what will you have to NO to in order to be the person you want to be and do the things you want to achieve. Write the answers into the YES/NO table.

YES-NO Table

If you have trouble here are a few questions to help you:

So what’s at stake if you are who you want to be ? What it is at stake if you don’t ?

What’s at stake if you do what you want to do ? What happens if you don’t ?

Everything in your “NO” column is making space for your new resolution to come to life.

Find a partner and discuss your YES/NO table to complete it. What could throw you off track ? What else do you have to say yes/no to to reach your destination ?

Look over your yes/no table. This is your plan  ! How alive is the plan on a scale from 1-10 with 10 being thrillingly alive and 1 a dead fish.

If it is 8-10, discuss with your partner how you will celebrate.

If it is not 8-10. Think about why not ? What would have to change ?

STEP 4: Your Final New Year’s Resolution Statement

Writing your New Year’s Resolution down is a key ingredient for staying committed. If it’s not written down, we tend to change the wording in line with our action/non-action. “I will go to the gym 3 times a week” changes into “I will go to the gym at least once a week” etc.

So fill in the commitment statement below, date and sign it. Then write a second copy and put it in an envelope. Mark your address on it and give it to a friend to mail it to you in 6 weeks. Alternatively put the closed envelope in your calendar and only open it in 6 weeks.

I _____________ fully commit to saying YES to _____________________

and saying NO to _____________________________________________

My immediate action is _____________________________________. And I will do this by ___________________ .

I will make it happen !

_____________________

Signature and Date

Congratulations ! You have now made a commitment to yourself. Here are some further tips on how to keep it:

-         make an even more detailed plan (stay flexible as you go)

-         talk about it/ enroll others

-         hold yourself accountable by setting milestones and checking them

-         set up a system of reminders (e.g. wear your watch on the other hand)

-         hang up your resolution where you can see it regularly

-         acknowledge success and reward yourself / celebrate

-         find a partner and ask to hold each other accountable (set a date to check in on each other). Alternatively engage a good coach.

Good luck ! And a very happy next 12 months !

The Develop & Grow “New Year’s Resolutions That Work” Process is proprietory to www.developandgrow.com. You can use it privately. Any commercial use requires prior written consent by the owner of www.developandgrow.com.

Wouldn’t it be great to go on holiday and not only come back with a healthier body and a more relaxed mind but also have figured out the way ahead, maybe found more clarity and even one’s purpose, or picked up some new strategies for increasing the number of smiles every day – long after you returned home ?

For years we have been searching for that perfect place to offer just that. We considered New Zealand, Cornwall in the UK, Vancouver and Victoria Island in Canada, California and those traditional holiday locations. And then we discovered a well-kept secret: a place that is not marketing itself like Dubai and is not well known like the Bahamas or Paris, yet provides the most stunning natural beauty combined with history & castles and abounding outdoor opportunities: Schwangau with Neuschwanstein Castle in the Bavarian Alps/ German. You must check it out. Have a first look here: The Perfect Christmas Holiday

or watch this You Tube video: Village of the King’s Castles

With two experienced professional certified coaches who chose to make  Schwangau by Neuschwanstein castle their home, we can tailor your holiday to move you forward on the important questions in your life while relaxing and having fun outdoor or indoor.  Ask us to make your trip magical!

One of my passions is helping people to enjoy their lives more, helping them to create more happiness which has been proven to boost people’s energy, creativity, immune system/health, productivity at work and even lead to a longer life ! I deliberately use the word “create” not “find” because happiness is not something you can find “out there”, the only place to generate it from is “from inside” by learning the attitudes, skills and strategies to become happier (if you would like me to coach you to be happier,  just drop me an email at coaching@developandgrow.com).

Remember the quote from Agnes Repplier:

It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.

So, let’s have a look at the free happiness tests I promised.

FREE OVERALL HAPPINESS TESTS

First of all there are tests that measure overall subjective well-being (many scientists prefer the term subjective well-being instead of happiness). These tests give you a score for your genetic set point for happiness, the happiness level you automatically return back to after great ups (e.g. a pay-raise at work) or downs (e.g. loss of a friend). This level is different for everyone; some people are naturally happier than others.

1. Subjective Happiness Scale – by Sonja Lyubomirsky

The average happiness score runs from about 4.5 to 5.5. College students tend to score lower (averaging a bit below 5) than working adults and older, retired people (who average 5.6)

2. Life Satisfaction Test – by Ed Diener

The average score for adults here is 5.8.

FREE SPECIFIC HAPPINESS LEVEL TEST

Only 50% of your happiness is determined by genetics though, 10% (ONLY !) by life circumstances such as how much money you earn/ job you hold/ size of car you have and another 40% of your happiness can be influenced by your intentional activities (your thoughts, actions, attitudes). Through these you  influence your happiness level which could be way above your happiness set point. The Oxford Happiness Questionnaire is a scale which measures your happiness level. You can and should take it regularly (i.e. every 6 months) to see how your happiness level evolves, particularly if you are working (with or without a coach) on new ways of becoming a happier person.

The Oxford Happiness Questionnaire – by Michael Argyle

The average score is around 4.3. Your own score will have most meaning by  comparing it to a future score of yours (say in 3 months) to see whether you are making progress in becoming a happier person (before you re-take the test, you should work on something that is scientifically proven to boost your happiness such as counting your blessings every night, i.e. finding 3 things that you are grateful for – or anything else of course).

OTHER FREE HAPPINESS TESTS

The Positive Psychology department at the University of Pennsylvania is constantly developing new improved happiness tests. If you would like to try them out check this website. They are free but you need to register to take them.

Authentic Happiness Inventory Questionaire – by Martin Seligman (see  the emotion questionaires section)

There are plenty of self-made quizzes about happiness as well. None of them are validated, so the interpretation of your results may or may not be correct. If you take those, take them for fun. If you really want to assess or even work on your happiness level, take the one’s recommended above. Happy testing !

Your score on the Oxford Happiness Questionnaire reflects your current happiness level, which will vary depending on what you DO and how you THINK (40% of your happiness is dependent on your intentional activities!). It’s a great test to re-take regularly in order to track your progress on becoming a happier person.  Your score will be different from your happiness set point, your genetically determined starting point. 

Instructions

Below are a number of statements about happiness. Please indicate how much you agree or disagree with each statement by entering a number in the blank after each of them. Use the following scale:

1 = strongly disagree
2 = moderately disagree
3 = slightly disagree
4 = slightly agree
5 = moderately agree
6 = strongly agree

Please read the statements carefully, because some are phrased positively and others negatively. There are no right or wrong answers and no trick questions. Just answer what comes to your mind first.

The Questionnaire

1. I don’t feel particularly pleased with the way I am. (X) _____

2. I am intensely interested in other people. _____

3. I feel that life is very rewarding. _____

4. I have very warm feelings towards almost everyone. _____

5. I rarely wake up feeling rested. (X) _____

6. I am not particularly optimistic about the future. (X) _____

7. I find most things amusing. _____

8. I am always committed and involved. _____

9. Life is good. _____

10. I don’t think that the world is a good place. (X) _____

11. I laugh a lot. _____

12. I am well satisfied with everything in my life. _____

13. I don’t think I look attractive. (X) _____

14. There is a gap between what I would like to do and what I have done. (X) _____

15. I am very happy. _____

16. I find beauty in some things. _____

17. I always have a cheerful effect on others. _____

18. I can find time for everything I want to do. _____

19. I feel that I am not especially in control of my life. (X) _____

20. I feel able to take anything on. _____

21. I feel fully mentally alert. _____

22. I often experience joy and elation. _____

23. I don’t find it easy to make decisions. (X) _____

24. I don’t have a particular sense of meaning and purpose in my life. (X) _____

25. I feel I have a great deal of energy. _____

26. I usually have a positive influence on events. _____

27. I don’t have fun with other people. (X) _____

28. I don’t feel particularly healthy. (X) _____

29. I don’t have particularly happy memories of the past. (X) _____

How to calculate your score

Step 1. 12 items have been marked with an (X). These should be “reverse-scored” as follows:

If you gave yourself a “1,” cross it out and change it to a “6.”
Change “2″ to a “5″
Change “3″ to a “4″
Change “4″ to a “3″
Change “5″ to a “2″
Change “6″ to a “1″

Step 2. Using the changed scores for those 12 items, now add your scores for ALL the 29 items.

Step 3. Your happiness score = the total (from step 2) divided by 29.

The lowest possible score is obviously 1 and the highest possible score is 6. The average is around 4.3. Your own score will have most meaning by  comparing it to a future score of yours (say in 3 months) to see whether you are making progress in becoming a happier person (before you re-take the test, you should work on something that is scientifically proven to boost your happiness such as counting your blessings every night, i.e. finding 3 things that you are grateful for – or anything else of course).

Reference

Hills, P., & Argyle, M. (2002). The Oxford Happiness Questionnaire: a compact scale for the measurement of psychological well-being. Personality and Individual Differences, 33, 1073–1082.