Win-win Communication
I had an interesting discussion with a colleague today. Well let’s call it an argument or even a conflict of opinion. We dared to differ, and stuck to our own viewpoints, disengaging at a point where neither party was going to benefit from continuing the discussion. It was a miserable failure.
Personally, I viewed this as a communication failure on my part. I could have tried harder to really understand my colleague’s viewpoint, actively listened to her, interpreted correctly what she had really been trying to tell me. I did not, I disregarded her viewpoint for my own, insisted on winning the argument and turned the discussion into a tit for tat game, my contest for the sake of my own power, merely exhibiting a weakness in character. I wanted a short-term win and was not willing to listen.
Communication effectively is really about listening first, and really absorbing as well as relaying one’s own message. We jointly ruined a golden opportunity to really connect and create a win-win for both parties.
The issue we argued over is almost irrelevant, as it has been pushed into the background. What really mattered was winning individually at the cost of a joint win. Here the tactical or short term result took over from the strategic long term benefit; and egos determined a non conclusive end. Result, I feel angry, bitter, resentful and incomplete. I blame my colleague and yet know deep down, that I am equally if not more to blame for escalating the discussion into the region of only my view can be the right view.
Lessons learned from today for me include: give in to listening, see both sides of a given viewpoint, value the difference in opinion and look for the positive intention behind, reach the middle ground, the behavior is not the person, remain open-minded, do not judge, aim for the win-win ( it is always achievable). Retain and keep a sense of perspective, keep my sense of humor and above all accept that no one way or opinion is the right one. We all mean well, irrespective of the actions we may take.
Having thought long and hard about the argument, all of the above points are now firmly embedded in my head. I know that win-win is the way ahead. Valuing the difference in opinion is a great learning for all of us. My first action tomorrow, will be to re-connect with my colleague and make sure I thank her for expanding my life experience. Hey ! I have had to think about moving forwards, defuse my pride, plan to listen and re-open the door of communication and connection. I may have had a slightly miserable evening, but the emotional roller coaster has been worth the lessons learned.
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July 31st, 2007 at 1:28 am
[...] them by some one else. But the fact remains that humanity’s greatest asset is our ability to commune with other members of our species and share knowledege. In this way we have progressed technologically and intellectually, building [...]