Combine Ideas for New Solutions

“The time has come,” the walrus said, “to talk of many things: of shoes – and ships – and sealing wax – of cabbages – and kings.” Combining unusual ideas is at the heart of creative thinking. The ancients mixed soft copper and even softer tin to create hard bronze. Gutenberg combined the wine press and the coin punch to create a movable type and the printing press.

Think of your most important project right now: What different and unusual ideas can you combine to find some creative solutions and ways forward ?

Are you your own biggest obstacle to positive CHANGE ?

Just came across this great tale again. It is about being in charge about change and I had to share it with you:

“Two men were working together on a building site. When lunchtime came, they sat down at the side of the road, and opened their respective lunchboxes. The first man, on looking into the box, rubbed his hands together gleefully and said, ‘Great! I’m starved. Chicken, cheese and tuna sandwiches, crisps, a nice piece of fruit…’
The second man looked at the contents of his box and sighed heavily. “Oh no, not ham again ! I can’t believe it. That’s the third time this week I’ve had ham sandwiches. I ‘m getting sick and tired of seeing ham.’
‘Come on, cheer up,’ soothed his mate. ‘Look, if you’re so sick of ham sandwiches, why don’t you just ask your wife to use something else ?’
His mate looked puzzled. ‘What are you talking about ?’ he said. ‘I don’t have a wife; I make my own sandwiches.’”

Have you caught yourself complaining about your situation ? Are you dreaming about better times but feel it is unattainable ? Stop right there. Let’s play. What if the only obstacle in the way to your dreams and your happiness were YOU ? Really, don’t say no no no. Consider this for a moment. Pretend it ! Just for the fun of it.

Who is in charge of your life ? Who would you like to be in charge ? What would it take ? What is the worst case that could happen ? Imagine it…. What would you gain and what would you lose ? Looking back from 20 years into the future, what would you want to see ?

If you want things to change, be bold ! Change them, don’t let them change YOU !

Meaning is the New Currency !

I have met a lot of people and the most exciting one’s have all had one thing in common: there were spending energy on finding meaning for their lives. Recently I stumbled upon an article which said it out loud and clear:

The time where wealth was measured in the currency of money is over ! The new currency for measuring “wealth” is called MEANING.

This line struck a cord with me and put into one sentence what I have sensed after coaching around 100 clients in the past years.

“Money simply doesn’t hold as much currency as leading a meaningful life. As a part of a worldwide trend towards a search for more meaningful lives, people are looking for more fun, family and friendship and less money and “things”. Where money was once the currency of a successful life, wealth is increasingly being measured in connection with sustainability and happiness.” says Judy Chapman, the author of the article.

Research all over the world supports this and Judy quotes an Australian study which shows that health, community and friends contribute more to people’s happiness than money or their financial situation.
From my own quantitative research in Dubai I know that Dubai lags a little bit behind this global trend: the majority of people still believe that more money will create more happiness for them (I guess that’s what many people come to Dubai for in the first place). The number of people searching for meaning, however, is ever increasing, also in Dubai.

So where does this shift from a money-centric society to a one that emphasizes meaning and happiness come from ?

Seemingly people are yearning for slowing down and creating more time for themselves. People want quality instead of quantity and significance instead of mere success. And they want to spend their money on enriching experiences that will make a difference and that gives their life meaning.

According to Dr. Clive Hamilton, one of the authors of “Affluenza – When Too Much is Never Enough” there is a rising trend in “downshifters”: people who make a conscious decision to accept a lower income and a lower level of consumption to pursue other life goals, such as more balance, more personal fulfillment and time with their families.

When asked about the change “downshifting” had on their lives, “downshifters” talked about improved health, more time with family and friends, more personal freedom and joy of living and many new opportunities they previously did not think existed. These changes are very similar to those my clients report when following their own meaningful path based on what uniquely matters to them (their values).

Judy Chapman’s article ends with a beautiful paragraph:
“As the 21st century unfolds, the question facing countries around the world is not how they can become more economically prosperous. Rather, it is about how we can build vibrant societies in which meaning and connection are not casualties but cornerstones. Make yourself part of that process!”

I share the longing for community, meaning and connection and that’s what brought to life the Develop & Grow Community, our group of exceptional people dedicated to supporting each other in growing into their full potential and their most aspirational selfs. Money is not on top of our list of values. Connection to others, giving back and making a difference is. That’s what meaning is for me.

What makes you smile ?

How can a simple little question like “what makes you smile?” have so much power ? As soon as you ask anyone this question, they start smiling immediately. Then, their thoughts drift off to all those lovely memories…

Whenever life gets too serious, or rather, whenever we take life too seriously, suffering under the heaviness of it all, we should take a moment to remember the things that make us smile. Try doing this right now. What makes you smile ?

Isn’t it astonishing what surprisingly simple things show up on such a list ? Having a little bit more of those in our lives, really doesn’t cost much, certainly not money, maybe effort, time, will … What stops you from seeking more of those “smiling” moments ? If you created more of them in your life, what would you have to say “no” to ? Would that be worth it ?

My daughter wrote me and my husband a whole bunch of letters yesterday to cheer up our day. She played “postman” and delivered a whole stack. One of the items was a postcard and apart from her lovely message it had 5 Handy Tips for Life. I have no idea where she got them from but my husband and I had to laugh so hard, it made me realize how precious those moments full of smiles and laughter are. So, I wanted to share those funny tips with you and hope to bring a smile on your face. Here they are:

HANDY TIPS FOR LIFE
1. Finance Tip:
Save on gasoline by pushing your car to your destination. Invariably passers-by will think you’ve broken down and help.

2. Houshold Tip:
Old Telephone directories make ideal personal address books. Simply cross out the names and address of people you don’t know.

3. Personal Hygiene:
Not time for a bath ? Wrap yourself in masking tape and remove the dirt by simply peeling it off.

4. Safety Tip:
Never attempt to fasten your shoe laces in a revolving supermarket door.

5. Inexpensive Entertainment:
At work, put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.

Live is too short to take it serious.

Is it courageous to do what you love ?

I have recently stumbled upon the question of whether it is courageous to change your life, live your dream and do what you love doing. Or whether it is actually even more courageous to stay in a life that works but feels unexciting and doesn’t fulfill you.

My considerations were triggered by a friend of mine who has quit her full-time corporate career (with her husband following within the next weeks) and who is about to realize her dream life by moving to a different/new country and setting up their own business in what could be described “the middle of nowhere” or “the countryside” (please note that what a dream life is to YOU will be different by definition ! and replace her version in your mind with what a “dream life” would be for YOU).

My friend told me that people around her where passing comments such as “you are so courageous” to do what you are about to do. She could not understand at all why people would see her plans as “courageous” and explained to me that in her mind there was nothing courageous about doing what you love, and that, in fact, it was the easiest she could think of doing, because doing what you love is so effortless.

Her words triggered some deep contemplation on my part and for the first time I wondered whether it might indeed be more courageous or at least more risky to stay in a life that is not the way you want it. Usually people point out the all the (financial, emotional…) risks of leaving the “mainstream way of life”. But what if the risks and costs of staying in a mediocre life are even bigger ? And what are those risks and costs ? …the lack of excitement, …the lack of aliveness, …the lack of adventure ? I think the biggest risk is probably not to have fulfilled one’s potential, not to have even tried. To come to the end of one’ life and to find that one had not even tried might be the biggest pain of all.

Robin Sharma captures this beautifully in his quote:

“What fills our hearts with regret are not all the risks we took. Instead, what causes us to feel immense sadness is thinking about all the risks we didn’t take, all the opportunities we did not seize, all the things we did not do. Life is short and the years will slip away very quickly, like grains of sand passing through your fingers on a hot day on the beach. You were meant to shine and let your talents see the light of day. There is but one failure in life and that is the failure to try.”

So, I have found deep admiration for my friend’s perspective and I deeply wish that my own daughter will grow up with the same attitude that it is more courageous, and that there is more to lose by staying in a mediocre life than by realizing your dream and doing what you love. She will have all my support when she comes round to it.

If you deliberately plan on being less than you are capable of being,
then I warn you that you’ll be unhappy for the rest of your life.

~ Abraham H Maslow (1908-1970) – Psychologist & Author ~

Related Article: How to be courageous ?

Success is not measured in millions nor in kilograms…

A few months ago I have written about a similar topic “What is Success for You ?” and today I have to do so again.

Last night, my friend called me from a business trip and told me visibly shocked that he had been to the gym of the hotel he was staying in and weighed himself on the scales they had in the changing room. What he saw on the scales had kept him stressed and tense all evening: the scales had shown 208 pounds. He told me that he had no clue that he would be weighing that much and that he needed to seriously change his eating habits and double his exercise times. He finally asked me “Do I look fat ?”

I told him “not at all”. In fact, I had thought lately, that he looked very fit and muscular. Then I asked him the key question “What matters about how much you weigh ?”. He took a long time to think. Then I asked him “You look great. So, who cares how much you weigh ?” “Why do you choose to use weight as the measurement for how you look ?” He was baffled. And then I could hear the relief in his voice. “You are right”, he said. “Amazing, you kind off automatically think you need to care about weight, when really, how I look is what I care about.”

Needless to say, he chose a different measure from last night onwards and felt sooo much better for it.

Where are you accepting to measure your progress, your success or your looks by the “standard” way of doing it ? Would there be a more accurate way of measuring what really matters to YOU ?

10 Choices for Lasting Happiness – Part 2

In my previous article about Happiness (click here to see Part 1) we discussed the research and Choices 1-4 for lasting happiness. Now, we will be looking at choices 5-10. Enjoy !

CHOICE #5: Don’t compare yourself to others people – set your own goals and standards.

Do you know the saying “A happy man is one who earns $100 more than his wife’s sister’s husband.” From childhood we have learned to measure our success by comparing ourselves to what others achieve. As a result, we never reach the point where we can finally relax. Remember the rat racer doesn’t enjoy the journey but hopes for happiness at the end, once he has achieved, accomplished …. With a whole society of rat racers, there is no time to ever relax or else “you fall behind”.
Your emotions are negatively impacted, too. When comparing yourself to others, you may feel resentment, jealousy, anger and unfairness. This is called relative deprivation and happens even to millionaires.

The solution is to consciously choose a different measurement system. Authentic happiness comes from setting yourself higher goals or standards, not from comparing yourself with others. Most people live as if there was some kind of finish line and panel of judges at the end of our lives, counting the awards, titles, wealth amassed and awarding us prizes for it. Sadly, most people only realize too late, that there is no such thing. When you come to the finish line of your life, nobody cares what you have accumulated in money, titles or awards. You are your own judge !

So the only way to enjoy your life is to become clear NOW what sort of life you would like to have had and who you would like to be remembered as. Then live and judge yourselves according to your own unique plan.
A happy life is one created by you, a unique creation that cannot be copied from someone else’s recipe.

CHOICE #6: Step off the hedonic treadmill. Money (and stuff) can’t buy us happiness.

“Wealth is like health, its absence breeds misery, but having it doesn’t guarantee happiness. Everyone needs to cover basic needs. But once you attain that, happiness varies for everyone” as Maslow told us.

Research is proving that beyond covering basic needs like food and shelter, more wealth does not lead to more happiness. In fact some research (like the British one quoted in the introduction) has even shown a negative correlation. With wealth in Western countries having risen to its highest ever levels and happiness sunken to its lowest ever. Stress, depression and anxiety are increasing in the countries with the highest wealth levels.

The reason stuff (like cars, clothes, jewelry etc) and money does not make us happy in the long run is partly explained by hedonic adaptation. This means that we are very quick at taking our new position for granted, and then judging it as normal. As a result we don’t even notice the change anymore. Do you remember the last salary increase you got ? How long did it take for you to take it for granted and wanting something else ?

This doesn’t mean we should avoid money and material goods or that we can only have either wealth or happiness. It does, however, mean that we need to recognize happiness as the ultimate “currency” and start working on finding meaning and purpose in what we do. The value we gain in doing what we love will create money, and often even wealth, as a by-product.

CHOICE # 7: Keep learning and growing through action and allow yourself to fail !

Every child is born curious with an insatiable need for growth and learning. This is part of our nature as human beings. As young children we put into practice everything we learn, test it, fail and try again. In fact, we learn through action, through trying and playing.

As older children and adults we become concerned about failing, which stops us from trying and keeps us in the status quo. As we stay in our comfort zone over long periods of time, we begin to be bored with our life and start feeling stuck.

To become happy, we need to grow and there is no growth without action. Movement and growth are inseparable. It’s when you move out of your comfort zone that you grow. But what if you can’t decide between all the possible actions ? Toss a coin. It does not matter which action you take, you will learn from any action. To make this clear: ANY action is better then no action. But how do we get ourselves to act when we are so afraid of failure ?

To describe something as “failure” involves a judgement call. And a judgement requires a judge. Whose judgement are you accepting ? Who is your judge ? Often people find that they accept the judgement of their neighbours, their parents, their bosses without being conscious about it. Once they become conscious, they choose their own judge: the people they really care about or their own heart….

Let yourself be inspired by Alva Edison, the inventor. Edison had more than 900 failed experiments to invent the light bulb and upon being asked how he coped with so many failures he answered “Failure ? What failure ? I have learned 900 ways of how not to invent the light bulb”. It is all a matter of perspective (see choice #1). But something else is critical here: Edison focused on the learning in every “failure”. Every failure is just feedback about what works and doesn’t. It is a fantastic resource for deciding how to try differently next time. Choose to look at all your experiences (good or bad) as opportunities to learn something about yourself or the world around you and notice how much more you will enjoy your life.

CHOICE #8: Forgive

To create lasting happiness in your life, you need to let go of negative emotions about people. Holding on to negative emotions such as anger, envy or hurt creates more unhappiness for the holder of the emotions. Letting go of these emotions free us to move on with life. Again, easier said than done.

The first step is to realize that there is no value for yourself in holding on to your hurt. It is not moving you forwards but holding you back. The next step is to decide to let go of the matter. If you can’t simply let go choose to see the situation from the other person’s perspective to understand it better. Understanding helps forgiveness.

To do that, imagine you have a meeting with the person and silently tell him/her everything you need to say. Reproach, get angry, insult – whatever you feel needs to be said. Then pause. Take the other persons position – physically move to the spot you just talked to. Stand or sit like the other person would and really feel into him/her. Then have this person explain why he did what he did. Then go back to your own spot and receive the message. Play this role play a few times, then notice how your feelings to the subject have changed. You are now ready to forgive and pave your way to happiness.

CHOICE #9: Foster friendship and connections – help others

Researchers who studied people’s level of interest in and attention to strangers found that people who were sad spent 35 percent more time focusing on strangers who looked unhappy than on strangers who looked happy. So surround yourself with 5 happiest people you know. Send them an invitation today ! Happiness is contagious 

Ed Diener and Martin Seligman, two of the leading positive psychologists, studied “very happy people” and found that one of the key differences between happy and unhappy people was the presence of “rich and satisfying social relationships”.

Spending time with people we care about and who care about us provides meaning, safety and comfort. We want to be loved for who we really are, for our authentic self. Often people complain that they can’t find the people who love them unconditionally and truly care about them and that everybody is so self-absorbed. Don’t wait to be loved. Love. Choose to be different and start showing others how you care about them by doing something nice for them today. Expect nothing in return. Just keep doing it. You will see how the benefits will come back to you and you will have plenty of people who care for you.

CHOICE #10: Take responsibility for everything that happens to you.

It is so easy to blame outside factors or others for things that are not going well. It doesn’t make us happy though. Blaming takes our power away. By blaming others we are giving ourselves the “victim” status and get stuck because we are waiting for the other person to change or act. Being a victim and being stuck is not a position that makes us happy.

To claim your power, take responsibility for everything that happens. If people who work for you make mistakes, think about how you could have helped prevent that mistake. If your partner doesn’t come home in time, think about what you could do to make him/her want to come home earlier tomorrow. If your children are stressing you out, think about what you could do to make family life more fun. Be pro-active ! Take responsibility. It is much more fun than being stuck.

And don’t confuse taking responsibility with blaming yourself for everything. They are two different things: one lifts you up the other deflates you. So check in with your feelings. Taking responsibility makes you feel great !

Finally, I want to mention the more commonly known factors for more happiness: exercise moderately and regularly and ensure that you get between 6-8 hours of sleep. But the most powerful tip of them all: CHOOSE to be happy – now you know how to do it. And if you don’t, remember that that’s your choice, too !

The rat race is no fun

You have probably heard about the rat race. The rat racer believes in the “no pain, no gain” motto and doesn’t enjoy what he is doing at the moment. He is driven by the need to achieve and gain titles, promotions and success. When the pressure increases he tells himself that he will begin to have fun once this next project or task is completed. When the achievement is done, he sacrifices himself again, just one more time, but there never seems to be and end to “one more time”. While others see the rat racer as a success piling up achievements, he himself is unhappy. Rat racers are unable to enjoy what they are doing and persistently believe that once they reach a certain destination they will be happy. Why ? Because they grow up that way. Most parents and society as a whole reward results, not processes, they reward achievements, not journeys !
The rat racer doesn’t enjoy the journey but hopes for happiness at the end, once he has achieved, accomplished …. With a whole society of rat racers, there is no time to ever relax or else “you fall behind”. The result of staying in the rat race is exhaustion, burn-out, depression.

This is a great time to STOP and reflect upon an few questions:

- Where is your life like the rat racer’s ?
- Where are you racing to ?
- What is the impact of the rat race on who you are ?
- What do you want from your life right now ? And who is stopping you ?

Often, we are so busy racing, that we do not even have the time to stop and think ! Yet, the truth is that we gain time by stopping our busyness, by taking a look at the bigger picture of our lives, by finding out what really matters and then focusing and prioritizing on those few big things.

Why are you hurrying ?
What would happen if you didn’t ? Come on, really, what is at stake if you slowed things down ? Might you have more fun ?

Here is a touching song a friend of mine sent me:

I’m in a hurry to get things done
Oh I rush and rush until life’s no fun
All I really gotta do is live and die
But I’m in a hurry and don’t know why

Don’t know why I have to drive so fast
My car has nothing to prove
It’s not new
But it’ll do zero to sixty in five point two

I’m in a hurry to get things done
Oh I rush and rush until life’s no fun
All I really gotta do is live and die
But I’m in a hurry and don’t know why

Can’t be late, I leave in plenty of time
Shakin’ hands with the clock
I can’t stop
I’m on a roll and I’m ready to rock

I’m in a hurry to get things done
Oh I rush and rush until life’s no fun
All I really gotta do is live and die
But I’m in a hurry and don’t know why

Oh, I hear a voice
That says I’m running behind
Better pick up my pace
It’s a race and there ain’t no room for someone in second place

I’m in a hurry to get things done
Oh I rush and rush until life’s no fun
All I really gotta do is live and die
But I’m in a hurry and don’t know why

Why Coaching Works

From time to time, we get impulses for change. It might be because we get inspired. We might see someone else with what we want. A new possibility might occur to you. A flash of insight? A friend or colleague challenges you. Most often it’s because something has gotten worse than we’re willing to tolerate, and we say: “I’ve had enough!”

Whatever the reason, this impulse for change comes along at certain intervals in our life. However, we all know the impulse rarely lasts. Last week I had an impulse to exercise… (again). However, it’s not particularly consistent, and doesn’t always come at times when it’s convenient for me to exercise.
You may have thought: “You know – my relationship really could be better. Surely this isn’t as good as it gets?” And the next day the impulse is gone. Or “What would it take to double my profits? I’m really going to make some changes in this business when I get less busy”. A few days later your focus is on something else.

Or… are you the kind of person who takes on new projects with gusto, to find out that a few weeks or months later it feels old hat, and you follow a familiar pattern of switching to something else?

So, IMPULSES FOR CHANGE DO NOT USUALLY LAST. This is why we human beings do not make many of the changes that are possible in our lives.

Without Coaching – without a STRUCTURE – our natural tendency is to keep our patterns. Go to work. Make money. Keep the same relationships. Keep the same barriers. Want the same things to change. – but don’t change them. Feel an impulse for change – lose the impulse for change. Staying the same is the natural outcome. But Do We Need to Change?

No. But wouldn’t it be wise? These impulses for change are the signals telling you what is next for you in life. They are your intuition letting you know that you are missing opportunities. They are messages (sometimes subtle) about what you would ~really~ like to do in your life, what your business needs, the perfect job, who you should be with right now.

If I may get a little deep for just a moment – they are not only the signals that will help us achieve the goals we are striving for, but the signals that are telling us how to evolve as people. If we ignore these impulses, we’ll feel restless at a very deep level – knowing something is wrong, but not sure what. Not understanding this restlessness, we must seek ways of quieting it – TV, movies, alchohol, smoking, over-reading etc.

OK – I’m getting a little off track but I think you get my point. It’s important that these impulses do not get left by the way side. You want the secret to achieving your goals and having an amazing life? FIND A WAY TO HARNESS THESE IMPULSES

The Coaching Structure

At it’s simplest, coaching may be described as a structure. Coaching harnesses the energy for change; those impulses that last from a moment to a few weeks. If you feel an impulse to exercise more, you may exercise somewhat – until the next impulse. But if you join a gym for a year and hire a personal trainer, you will be fit! In fact it would be very hard to avoid it, having set up this structure.

Coaching is a similar structure, for any goal that’s important to you. You make a commitment to your goals, and to working for a certain time frame with a coach. This is often 3 months or 6 months, usually with one or more review points to assess progress. Normally, once a week by phone, you have a conversation with your coach, and you commit to specific actions to move you forward. Within a coaching structure, your natural tendency is to pursue your goals and achieve them. It’s hard, in fact very hard to keep your limiting patterns and your life the same when you focus so much consistent attention on what you really want, and make promises to a third party.

With a coach, the person who feels an impulse to change careers isn’t still thinking about it in three months time. He’s hired a coach, he’s found a new career possibility which inspires him, he’s got a new resume and ten interviews lined up.

With a coach, the woman who wants to organize her business so that she has time for herself isn’t still complaining about it in six months time. She’s hired a coach, created an empowering time allocation, set her boundaries, hired an assistant, looks obviously happier and is therefore attracting more clients.

So here’s the key:

Without a coach, the path of least resistance is to keep your life the same. Impulses for change often do not last long enough to act upon.

With a coach, the path of least resistance is to achieve your goals! Impulses for change are converted to momentum.

Summary

So would coaching be a smart investment for you right now? Are you the kind of person who could benefit?

You decide. I say it’s for people who recognize that coaching is a powerful structure for harnessing your energy for change, and to help you move forward. If you’re content for the next five years to be similar to the last five years, then you don’t need any input or help from anyone. However, aren’t you curious to know what your life could be like in five years time if you harnessed your impulses for change, carried them through, and had fun while doing it?

David Wood, Copyright 2002-2004 SolutionBox

An Invitation to You…

If something in the above article appealed to you, then I invite you to contact us to take this to the next level. E-mail: coaching@developandgrow.com for a free sample session.

The Power of Committment – Take the Jump !

Have you ever noticed that once you fully committed yourself to something, things just fell into place ? Why is it then, that we have such trouble committing ourselves to what we really want and instead stay where we are not so happy ? Of course, because of fear, the fear of the unknown. So many of us feel more comfortable in the unhappiness of the known than in the uncertainty of the unknown better alternative. So what would happen if you dared, tried it out ?
Surely, you would want a safety net, a back-up plan … in case the new plans did not work out. In a “new business” seminar in London, the course leader quoted that the highest success rate for new businesses was among founders who had burned their bridges, had no way to turn back to their previous life or occupation…. Interesting ?

Well, William H. Murray, a Scottish mountaineer, wrote in the Scottish Himalayan Expedition about the benefits of burning one’s bridges:

Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back; always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation) there is one elementary truth, the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would not otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one’s favour all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance which no man would have dreamed would come his way.

And even Goethe agrees:

Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it ! Boldness has genius, magic and power in it.

When are you jumping ?

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