The World’s Happiest Country is Norway !?

Christopher Helman from Forbes has brought us news about the top ten happiest countries in the world.

According to him, happiness is not just about having the money to buy what you want. It’s being healthy, in control, enjoying time with friends and family. Happiness is also about freedom to speak out, choosing one’s religion freely and to feel safe and secure in your own home.

Happiness means having opportunity–to get an education, to be an entrepreneur. Apparently it’s satisfying to have a big idea and turning it into a thriving business, knowing all the way that the harder you work, the more reward you can expect.

Personally, I don’t think that the rewards make us happy in the end but the true happiness comes from enjoying the journey making the reward almost secondary. But this is not about what I think but about what researchers at Legatum Institute, a London-based nonpartisan think tank are proposing. They set out to rank the happiest countries in the world. But because “happy” carries too much of a touchy-feely connotation, they call it “prosperity.”

So are they saying happiness and prosperity are more or less the same thing ? Then all prosperous people should be happy….hmm… this is obviously a crutch (have a look at Wealth is Not Measured in Millions) . Never mind, let’s enjoy the results even if it’s just for entertainment purposes.

Legatum recently completed its 2010 Prosperity Index, which ranks 110 countries, covering 90% of the world’s population.

To build its index Legatum gathers upward of a dozen international surveys done by the likes of the Gallup polling group, the Heritage Foundation and the World Economic Forum. Each country is ranked on 89 variables sorted into eight subsections: economy, entrepreneurship, governance, education, health, safety, personal freedom and social capital.

The result: Prosperity is complex and depends on a combination of factors that build on each other in a virtuous circle.

Here is his summary:

Ultimately how happy you are depends on how happy you’ve been. If you’re already rich, like Scandinavia, then more freedom, security and health would add the most to happiness. For the likes of China and India (ranked 88th), it’s more a case of “show me the money.” What they want most of all? The opportunity to prove to themselves that money doesn’t buy happiness.

New Zealanders enjoy very high levels of social cohesion and a first-place ranking in education.

No. 5: New Zealand

With very high levels of social cohesion and a first-place ranking in education, New Zealanders trust and help each other. The country ranks first in civil liberties. Ninety-four percent found the beauty of their physical environment satisfying (the other 6% must be blind).

Citizens of Australia trust their government.

No. 4: Australia

Excellent education, strong personal freedoms, a tight-knit society. Australia’s economy is strong, led by raw materials exports, but it’s also a good place to start a business, with plentiful Internet connectivity and low startup costs. Aussies trust their government.

Low business startup costs give the Finns economic strength.

No. 3: Finland

Excellent education, universal health care, plentiful personal freedoms, trusted government, peaceful. Lots of R&D and low business startup costs give the Finns economic strength. But as is to be expected in a country with the highest redistribution of wealth, only 75% of Finns believe working hard will help them get ahead.

Denmark reports the highest standard of living in the world.

No. 2: Denmark

The world’s lowest business startup costs, excellent education, unrestricted civil freedoms. Danes have overwhelming faith in their government and in each other, and report the highest standard of living in the world.

In Norway, an unparalleled 74% say other people can be trusted.

No. 1: Norway

The world’s highest per-capita GDP at $53,000 a year. Spending on health care is second-highest after the U.S. An unparalleled 74% of Norwegians say other people can be trusted, 94% are happy with the beauty of their environment, and a very high 93% believe hard work will help them get ahead in life. Having a lot of oil and gas reserves helps.

To read the full article go to Forbes Top Ten Happiest Countries

Wealth is not measured in Millions

Success Story from the Dream Holiday Destination – 5 Lessons from Living The Dream Life

Some people have no clue but most people have a vague or blurred idea of what could make them happier, what their dream life would look like.

Well, we knew ours. We had done our homework. We were prepared and ready to realize our dream. We were even trained in coaching skills, even got certified through the biggest global coaching association, based in the US. We know how to clarify values, how to use them to define one’s dream clearly and we had it all worked out and neatly stuck on a “dream board”, a large piece of card board full of inspirational pictures capturing the essence of what matters most to us.

We also had the courage to put it all into reality and we were willing to accept the consequences (such as husband going on part-time work to allow for living in a remote location and daughter having to switch to a different language school system)
I even remember to say to my husband in an attempt to convince myself that we could only gain: “Embarking on this adventure will make us richer in experience if nothing else. Even if nothing works out the way we plan it, at the very minimum we will always come out of it with more experience and richer personalities.”

What was our dream? Here is our story:

At the time we lived in Dubai and we were longing for the green nature we were missing in Dubai. We dreamt of outstanding natural beauty, green space, outdoor leisure opportunities, lots of time together as a family and starting a local business in a new place we could call “home”.

So we were looking for the most beautiful place on earth that would offer nature and outdoor opportunities, first world conveniences including great schools, great restaurants, great connections to airports/roads etc. We considered New Zealand, West Canada (Vancouver Island), Cornwall /UK and finally decided on the Bavaria Neuschwanstein Castle Area at the border of Germany and Austria (about 1 hour south of Munich). We had been there on holiday before to see the world famous “Cinderella Castle” (its real name is Neuschwansein Castle) and had been amazed by the area’s outstanding natural beauty, the peaceful and unspoiled surroundings and friendly people.

After a reconnaissance trip in winter (we had only experienced the lovely hot summers till then) enjoying the skiing in plain sunshine, we felt this was the place. A few months later we fell in love with an old house named Birkeneck in a dream location with direct views of Neuschwanstein castle. Doing up an old house had not been part of our plan, but as the German speaker among us, it soon became my first focus and took up more time than I expected (it always does, I guess). The house needed a complete overhaul from new electricity line, new windows, new heating system but it was worth it.
With the house surrounded by meadows, the lake, the village and offering incredible views of the mountains and the castles (there are three major castles in a 3km radius), we felt happy as soon as we could finally move in.

We engaged on stunning nature hikes through the woods and up the mountains, relished the breath-taking views from the mountain tops across the wide valley with is lakes and hills and sampled the lovely Bavarian specialties at every opportunity. I loved going on long cycling tours, taking a picnic and stopping at the various beaches for a swim or just a break to enjoy the views of the sailing boats or the swans on the lakes.

As Birkeneck had space on the top floor which we did not need, we decided to renew the roof apartment entirely and turn it into a luxury holiday apartment for guests from all over the world.
I cannot describe to you how much I enjoyed helping our international guests explore our region and take home the most beautiful holiday experiences. Our guests from all the continents became my window to the world. Unfortunately, they all flew home after their holiday.

What happened to the dream?

2 years after moving there, I noticed how I was missing the international people I had been surrounded by in Dubai. I also realized that, the older you get, there is nothing more important than the people who surround you . You can live in the most beautiful place and having the wrong people around you will make you miserable. On the other hand you can live in the most ugly place and have a the best time of your life with the right people around you (LEARNING # 1)

A few months later, my husband’s job brought us back to Dubai and guess what: I felt happy! How could that be given we had been keen and so convinced that we needed to leave the place only 2.5 years earlier? I have come to the conclusion that the fallacy, the illusion was that there would be such a thing as a place we end up in, that would make us happy. Instead, I know now, we will never arrive at a physical place. It’s about the journey! Happiness comes from the journey of becoming clear of your NEXT dream, taking the courage and action to realize it and then defining your NEXT dream and acting on it. It’s a long chain of (new) dreams, that’s making up your journey. You don’t have to worry about your next dream not making you happy for ever because there will be a next one. It’s not arriving at the next dream destination that makes you happy but travelling along your dream path! (LEARNING #2) No stress though: you don’t need to know the details of your next dream (or even the way the path goes) until you have realized your current one – that’s part of the adventure of life and quite exciting really.

I also realized there is no single perfect place on this earth, so you might as well focus on the good parts of wherever you are right now (LEARNING #3). Every place has some great elements and we must search for them and cherish them rather than complain about the not-so-great parts. So for now, we are deeply happy to still be able to enjoy dream nature & outdoor holidays in the Neuschwanstein Castle Area in Bavaria, but have our work in Dubai amongst a highly interesting multicultural and international crowd.
I can still see some of the things I complained about in Dubai 2.5 years ago, but I choose to focus on the many good ones and get the rest when on holiday in Schwangau/Bavaria (or elsewhere).

This brings me to the last two learnings.

We had planned our dream realization so well and yet it all came different. I remembered my husband’s old learning from army days: No plan survives contact with the enemy  (LEARNING #4), I love to be reminded of this learning as it takes away the blaming “why did it not work out the way I planned it?” and reminds us that planning is important, but having to re-plan is guaranteed . So we might as well relax about the whole process.

Finally, I am so happy we tried! We learned so much, saw life from a completely different perspective – not just in theory, but in reality. Had I not left and tried it out, I would still be complaining and moaning about the “grass being greener on the other side”. I got it out of my system and feel so much wiser for it. I have stopped making predictions about where I end up, I have also stopped seeing everything so black & white. My outlook on life feels more balanced now and I feel I have never been more in touch with who I am. In a nutshell, I recommend you go ahead and realize whatever you are dreaming of (after having done your homework and making sure you’re taking a calculable risk), because it won’t be your last dream (unless you stay stagnant) and – whatever the result – Go try it and you will always come out of the process with deep new learnings, perspectives and a richer personality, something nobody and no financial crisis can ever take away from you (LEARNING #5).

As we moved out of our beautiful Bavarian house at the border of the Alpine mountains, I redeveloped the two floors we had been living on into two more luxury holiday apartments. So Birkeneck is now called Birkeneck Luxury Holiday Apartments and offers 3 beautiful luxury holiday apartments all with stunning views to the castle, the mountains and our closest lake. Every holiday we keep exploring and discovering new amazing hikes, excursions and activities, taking our international friends along from wherever we live at the time. To follow news about the region, have a look at my Neuschwanstein Castle Holiday Activity blog, where I continue to post information about everything worth exploring in this magnificent part of Bavaria at the border of Germany to Austria (only 1 hour south of Munich).

Short-Cut to Happiness: Comparison on YOUR values

Research has shown that all happiness depends on relative superiority versus those around you, who you compare yourself against. This means that striving for more “fill in the blank” won’t make you happier if those around you increase by the same or even more.

This is quite an annoying matter and will be very familiar to all the rat racers out there:  However much you work to obtain the things you believe make you happy, you won’t be happy unless you have “more/better” of it than your neighbour, your colleague etc. This is particularly true for all material things (money, car size, house size, holiday type) and status (job title or position) which most of us (still) spend more than 80% of our daily efforts on. Note, that only 10% of our total happiness depend on circumstances like our financial situation (see “10 Choices for Lasting Happiness” for more info on this).

There is a saying in the US: “A happy man is one who earns $100 more than his wife’s sister’s husband.” What about that feels true to you ?   

So if our make-up forces us to always compare, and yet, there can only be one at the top, can we ever win in this tiring endeavour ? Can we ever relax ?

YES, you can !

Here is your clear-cut 3-step solution:

1. Realize that ignoring the relativity of happiness and continuing like before is like being a hamster in a wheel – you will get no-where. And many people feel exactly that, they worked hard, tried so many things and somehow, nothing gives them that lasting feeling of well-being they are working for. Yet, ever so often when things don’t work, we just try to do more of the same, try harder. Yet, as Einstein once put it “Doing the same things and expecting different results is a form of insanity”. So stop now, start thinking and then commit to do something different, anything – just something different. The next 2 steps will help you define what.

2. Become conscious of what really matters to you and then use THAT as the criteria to compare yourself with others. Why do you use money and status as comparisons ? Really, why ? You never chose it, did you ? Most people believe these are the measures they SHOULD be striving for. But who told you this ? Your parents ? Your teacher ? The media ? Random others who might be savvy on money matters but were equally clueless about what made them happy ? It’s not too late. Money is never an end in itself. Even if you like money, ask yourself what about it it is that you like: the freedom, the independence, the recognition ? These latter three are values ! Think about it now by either asking yourself some powerful questions, choosing from a list of values, or evaluating your character strengths.

a) Powerful Questions: Here are a few powerful questions which can help you figure out your values, the things that truly matter to you. What has made you happy in the past and what about that was key ? What sort of things would you do if you only had a few months to live and what about that is important you to ? If you were 90 years old looking back at your life, what sort of life would you have liked to live and what would you like people to say about you ? Dig deeper. What about that matters to you ?

b) Alternatively, you could find a list of values on the internet and choose the o one’s that most ring true to you.

c) Finally, you take Seligman’s Free VIA Survey of Character Strengths and Happiness.

3. Wisely choose the people you would like to compare yourself with on the criteria you selected in step 2. Why compare yourself on a criteria that isn’t really important to you ? That wouldn’t be smart. Equally, why compare yourself to people you don’t even respect or like (like a certain colleague or neighbour)  ? Who DO you respect and like ? Who would be the right people to compare yourself to (while the others really don’t matter – wish them well pursuing whatever matters to them and let them do whatever they want). Once you have defined the right people go ahead and compare yourself to them BUT ONLY on the criteria that matter to you. If someone else values neatness and has their garden in top state every day and this doesn’t really matter to you, then don’t feel you have to keep up. Focus your effort on those things that matter to YOU.

Because your list of values will be unique to you, your chance of coming out on top and therefore feeling happy is damned good !

 Go & Try It ! NOW.

81% Want the Government to Make Them Happier not Richer

Did you know that there is one country in the world which doesn’t measure its national wealth in GDP (gross domestic product) but in GNH, Gross National Happiness ?

This country is Bhutan, a landlocked country in South Asia, located at the eastern end of the Himalaya Mountains and bordering on India and Tibet.

A british study done by researchers at the university of Leicester in 2006 has mapped the world for happiness (the World Map of Happiness) and came to the conclusion that Bhutan is the happiest nation in Asia (and 8th happiest in the world).

The term Gross National Happiness (GNH) was coined in 1972 by the former King of Bhutan who wanted to help Bhutan enter the age of modernization by focusing more on positive contributions to well-being rather than the traditional concept of economic growth with its known cost on the environment and the increasing loss of meaning for the individual.

Grounded in Buddhist ideals, the GNH concept suggests that development of human society takes place when material and spiritual development occur side by side to complement and reinforce each other, providing meaning and growth for people.

The four pillars of GNH are the promotion of sustainable development, preservation and promotion of cultural values/integrity, conservation of the natural environment and establishment of good governance.

Maybe there is something we can learn from Bhutan ! According to a BBC survey 81% of Britain’s population would rather the government make them happier than richer.

What do we do with the riches anyway if they don’t make us happy, right ? There are plenty of studies by now which show that beyond covering the basics (a shelter, clothes to cover our body and enough food to survive) more money does not make us happier. So why do we – and more importantly our governments – still strive to become wealthier in monetary terms, using GDP as a measurement of our progress ?

Harvard Professor Tal Ben Shahar coined the phrase: “Happiness is the new currency”.  Indeed, isn’t happiness the ultimate currency ? Isn’t the really wealthy person the one who has the most happiness regardless of whether his is rich or poor in our modern definitions ?

Why don’t we bypass the money part and jump straight to our end end goal: greater well-being for all of us.

There are now validated measurement systems to measure this seemingly elusive concept of happiness, so we no longer need to worry about not being able to quantify our progress.

I would love to hear your thoughts !

Get to know your best friend: Health

Do you remember when you were a child and you asked your parents what they wanted for their birthday and they answered: “Nothing”. I still remember how I couldn’t believe this answer. How could anybody not want a present ? Upon further poking their answer used to be “health” or ” for all of us to stay healthy”.

This second answer had no more appeal to me than the first one; firstly because I could neither make it with my craft materials, nor could I buy it in the shops and secondly because it seemed equally non-inspirational.

Health ? As a child we take it for granted. As a young adult we start to realize how its absence can have devastating effects in the middle of an important project at work … so we get annoyed when we fall ill…. curse our illness as if it’s  nothing but an unexpected obstacle on our path.

With more and more life experience and a few more serious health crisis’ under our belt be become more respectful towards this secret language of our body.  Those fortunate enough to have become more aware, realize that the body “talks” to us through pain and other bodily symptoms. We begin to listen. This is a breakthrough. We still get our body’s messages wrong from time to time as we are perfecting our communication with each other but we are improving.

Finally, we develop a whole new relationship and we realize this body of mine is on my side. It’s not there to stop me or hold me back from my important projects. It’s there to support me, to keep me going in the long run to provide the right environment for my mind and my ideas to flourish – it’s my friend !

Through a headache it warns me that I am taking on too much today, that I should rest. Through a flu it tells me to drop it all and THINK before I pick up the many pieces again. Maybe a few pieces don’t deserve my attention anymore, maybe I am stressing about things that are not worth it when I take the time to step back and see the big picture.

Life threatening illness can alert us to much more. They shake up your life entirely. They put your life as it used to be to such an abrupt and brutal hold that your head gets knocked against the wall before you can even begin to think again.

Those lucky enough to get through it (and I will ever be grateful to have been one of them and be able to be around for my little daughter) will feel like they start a new life.  Nothing will be like before. What mattered so much before, is a small matter now. Suddenly, things become so much clearer. As if for a moment the clouds disappear and you see clearly into the blue sky: you understand the few things that truly matter to you, and they are so different from what you put most of your energy to before….

Health is now everything. It’s safety. As long as we are healthy, we can think new solutions, create new paths for us and our families and get back on our feet regardless what life throws at us.

Life can take away our job, our house, our car, our little treats and luxuries… but it can’t take away our opinions, our thoughts and ideas, our experiences, capabilities and beliefs.

As long as we are healthy we can use these latter ones to build up the first one’s again.

Health is everything.

It’s not just important.  It’s your safety net.  It’s your friend.

Make it your best friend !

How to have a dream holiday

The term dream holiday brings a smile on everyone’s face. It’s associated with feeling fabulous, only doing what you enjoy and getting exactly what you want.

People talk about dream holidays and travel companies offer all types of dream holidays. All types ?

If you ask 50 different people about what their dream holiday would be like, you need to be ready for 50 different answers. Indeed, everyone is different and so are our unspoken expectations of a dream holiday.

What we know about a dream holiday is that it is a holiday where everything is just great or even perfect – but only for YOU. What a dream holiday is to one, can be a nightmare to another or totally uninspiring at best.

In order to find or create a true dream holiday for yourself, you need to know yourself. Specifically, you need to be aware of what matters most to you on a holiday. It’s not about planning the execution, it’s about finding your personal strategy.

You could try two different techniques:

Ask yourself “If I could have ANY (absolutely any) holiday I wanted,  what would I choose ?” Now either paint a perfect picture in your mind imaging every detail of the perfect holiday for you; alternatively write down bullet points of things that are truly important on a dream holiday for you. It doesn’t matter whether your list or picture is very concrete e.g. a lonely jungle hut in the rain forest or more general e.g. calmness, no time pressure, no timetable, nature, hot, sunshine, etc.

Once you have a clear picture or a list of at least 20 points ask yourself

“What about this picture / each of the 20 points is important to me ?” Try to figure out what about each part of your picture or list it is that matters so much to you. Which new insights can you gather ?

Which other ways (other than your picture/20 points) can you see that would le you have what matters to you so much ?

Now ask: “What would it be like if I got it (the picture/ the 20 points) ?” “What would that give me ?”

Finally ask yourself on a scale from 0-10 how much of a dream holiday your picture or list would be (0= my nightmare holiday, 10 = my total dream holiday)

If you score a 8-10, you have the perfect blueprint or 20 criteria for choosing or creating a holiday which will truly become a dream experience for you. If you score any less than that, ask yourself “What’s missing  ?” and then add that to your picture or list.

Rather than getting seduced by other people’s definitions of dream holidays (including the travel agents) you can now create or look out for one that fits your needs and dreams exactly. A holiday created in this way is garantueed to make you feel fabulous.

The Wheel of Happiness

The Wheel of Happiness

The eight sections in the Wheel of Happiness represent different aspects of your life. Seeing the center of the wheel as 0 and the outer edges as 10, rank your level of currently felt satisfaction and happiness with each life area by drawing a straight or curved line to create a new outer edge. The new perimeter represents the wheel of your overall happiness at the moment. If this were a real wheel, how bumpy or rough is the ride for you right now ? Which area of your life most impacts your overall happiness ? Which areas of your life need attention ?

Why being trusting is the ONLY way to happiness

Did you know that you can’t be happy without trusting ? The degree to which you are able to trust others and the life events in general is strongly related to your level of happiness. This article will teach you how you can become more trusting instantly.

WHAT IS TRUST AND WHY DOES IT MATTER  ?

There are two types of trust: external, i.e. expecting a positive outcome or internal, i.e. expecting to be able to turn everything into an opportunity or something positive. Essentially the first type is trust in others/the world and the second one is trust in yourself.

Both types of trust result from YOUR CHOICE – subconsciously or consciously. Once you realize you can’t control everything (and trust me you can’t), you only have two choices: trust or distrust.

If you have been lucky enough to have had parents or role models that created a safe environment for you you probably trust naturally and the whole idea hasn’t emerged to your consciousness much. If, however, you weren’t quite so lucky you probably naturally distrust. In that case becoming more trusting will be an ACTIVE effort that will pay rich dividends to you while being a gift to those around you.

Research has shown that trusting people are happier, better liked by others, more honest and more moralistic do-gooders. If you feel trust you can let go of some of your need to control. You can let things happen and “go with the flow”. It’s a peaceful stress-free way of life.

Trust creates a feeling of safety for those around you. Think about it. If you feel that those around trust you, you feel safe in trying out new things and excelling at whatever you do. Mistakes become opportunities to learn. If you feel there’s distrust, you play small, you are afraid to make mistakes and focus your energy on avoiding them rather than learning from them.

WHAT IS YOUR DEFAULT POSITION ?

Everyone trusts some and not others. I am talking about your general disposition here. Even a trusting person who has been hurt or disappointed stops trusting a certain person but he/she doesn’t stop trusting the rest of the world. A distrusting person generally distrusts everyone and continues to do so even after one person has managed to earn his/her trust. Are you generally someone who trusts until proven wrong or someone who distrusts until proven wrong ?

WHAT IF I CAN’T TRUST ?

Well, that means you live a life driven by fear. You constantly expect others to have negative intentions and exploit you. You expect life to disappoint you and you look for proof for it of which you find abundant occurrence (you’d find equal proof of the opposite but you’re not focusing on that so you don’t see it).

Using the word “can’t trust” is misleading yourself. It suggests that you are not in control of “doing the trusting thing” and that someone or something else is in the way of you being a more trusting person. Who or what would that be ? Of course there is nothing or no one else ! You are not in control of others’ behaviours and the world’s events but you are in control of whether you trust or not.

Face the reality. If you really wanted to be more trusting you could. The issue is not that you can’t but that you don’t want to because you are afraid of being hurt or disappointed That’s being honest. Now have a look at the chart below and you will understand that the risk of being hurt occasionally is still well worth the effort of being trusting.

WHY TRUST IS THE ONLY WAY !

.. .. .. OTHER PERSON		ME
		I trust	I don’t trust
	Good Person	I was RIGHT Rewarding deep Experience	I was WRONG Missed Opportunity
	Bad Person	I was WRONG Unexpected Disappointment/Hurt	I was RIGHT Expected disappointment/hurt or No relationship at all

Only when you trust do you have a chance of a positive enriching experience/relationship ! Not trusting garantuees that you will have no rewarding relationship because you either miss the good ones or at best correctly predict the bad ones which you then – understandably – dismiss. Net, if you want meaningful relationships you must trust.

Do you see how you can dare to try being trusting because the alternative is so undesirable,  such a certain  loss ?

You know already that trust is a conscious choice. It’s something you can choose to believe “ I believe that the world and the people in it are inherently good “.

HOW TO HANDLE DISAPPOINTMENT WHEN I DO TRUST ?

Now you have understood that the only chance to develop meaningful relationships (both with people and general events) is by trusting. That of course entails a risk of being disappointment every now and then. Here are a few stragies to keep the hurt and disappointment small.

1. First of all, know that trust breeds good behaviour (like a self fulfilling prophecy) and that trusting people therefore experience fewer disappointments then non trusting people because

a. We feel honoured when someone simply trusts us or gives us the benefit of the doubt. In return we behave better in order to live up to that image (signs of trust are openness, sharing of intimate, personal or sensitive information, somebody makes himself vulnerable, somebody tells us they trust us).

b. We feel a bigger barrier to distrustful behaviour or to being dishonest when we know someone actively trusts us. It’s as if betraying someone who actively put their trust into us is a more serious betrayal then someone who never really trusted us anyway.

2. If, however, you do get disappointed, use the following strategies:

First of all, don’t take it personal. We suffer most because we believe a betrayal was an act against us but it hardly ever is. When people betray us they usually act from a place of low resources, from feeling trapped and cornered. Secondly, try and understand the betrayal from the perspective of the other person. Often you will be able to understand their perceived lack of options at the time. Understanding their deceitful behaviour doesn’t mean you are forgiving it, although it might well make you want to forgive – provided you still believe in the person as a whole. If you empathize enough with the other person, see their tricky situation and decide to give the person a second chance, go for it. Otherwise, exclude him/her from your circle of trusted people.

Research has found that trusting people forgive readily as soon as they understand the other person’s problems or what made them deviate from their normal pattern.

HOW CAN I GET STARTED WITH TRUSTING MORE ?

Trust is something you learn from your parents or the significant people around you in your early years. When you have had repeated experience of being able to rely on those around you, you feel safe in your environment and you dare to feel trust towards other people.

If you haven’t been lucky enough to have trusting people around you, you can still become more trusting:

1. Start with being more honest with yourself AND become more self-accepting at the same time. Who are you ? Write an honest description about yourself and pretend it’s for your grand or grand grand children. Include your good and bad traits and all your roles, e.g. a parent, a colleague, an entertainer etc. We tend to forget our good ones and exaggerate our faults, so make sure you include what your friends and those who like/love you, would have to say about you. Now have a look at the not-so-good traits and habits of yours. Accept them by saying “I am xyz and it is OK”. This doesn’t mean you’ll never change but you accept them right now. They are part of you and make you the wonderful person you are.  The more accepting you are about who you are and who you are not the less vulnerable you are and the easier it will be for your to trust others (ok, I am crap at ironing and I don’t like it and it’s OK ! – there’s other things I am good at).
2. Consciously choose to believe that the world and the people in it are inherently good. This belief will feel uncomfortable at first but commit to finding evidence for it. For the next 7 days collect evidence of all the good and decent behaviour around you. Don’t take it for granted, notice it, acknowledge your neighbours greeting, your butchers honest weighing of your meat etc. You will conclude that there are indeed good people around you. And don’t forget you don’t have a real alternative anyway: you either trust and have a chance of rewarding experiences/relationships or you dis-trust and get garantueed dissatisfaction – a no-brainer really !
3. Now act as if you totally trust, i.e. as if you totally believe that the people around you are good, mean well and want good for you. When your partner doesn’t come home at the expected time consciously think that this can only be due to the car having broken down, his mate holding him back or anything else out of his control. See this as a sign of your loyalty to your partner and enjoy the strength that comes from such thinking. If life throws a disastrous event in your path, trust that there must be some good in this and that you just haven’t spotted it yet. Look out for it. It’s ALWAYS there.

How to Overcome Fears & Worries and Enjoy Life Whatever Happens !

WORRIES ARE A PLAIN NUISANCE!
They cause enormous stress affecting us both mentally and physically. If you’ve ever been lying awake worrying and unable to fall asleep, just to wake up with a sleep deficit the next morning you know what I mean.

THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN WORRIED AND HAPPY PEOPLE
Stressed people always have too many worries all rooted in one basic fear: the fear of not meeting expectations (whose expectations anyway? and how important are these people really?).
Happy people have worries, too, but the difference is that they know how to deal with them effectively and get rid of them fast. This article will make these tools available to you, too.

WORRIES GROW WITH ATTENTION TO THEM
Most people cannot let go of their worrisome thoughts as if forgetting about them will make the dreaded thing happen. Guess what? The opposite is true. Worries grow the more attention you give them. The great news, however, is: you already have the power to make them go away. And this article will show you how to use it.

WORRIES ARE THOUGHTS WHICH MAKE YOU FEEL BAD – REPLACE THEM
To reassure you straight away that it is possible, just make yourself aware of the fact that worries are nothing but thoughts which make you feel bad. Yes, worries are thoughts that derive from thinking about a possible negative outcome, an unwanted turn of events. Who chooses what you think? I hope your answer is: ME, or else we have a different issue to tackle. So if YOU decide what you think, then YOU are in control of what sort of thoughts you want to have, right? Once you become aware of this simple fact, you instantly know WHAT to do: replace the painful and unpleasant thoughts with more uplifting and energizing ones.
This leaves the question of the HOW to do that. After a few more important facts about worries, this article will show you several strategies on how to take control over your thoughts.

WORRIES ARE USELESS – HERE IS THE PROOF
Worries are the anti-thesis to happiness. They distract you from enjoying life and the NOW – the only time to experience happiness. Here is why ALL worries are wasted:
40% of worries are about events that will never happen
30% of worries are about events that have already happened
22% of worries are about trivial events
4% of worries are about events we cannot change
4% of worries are about real events on which we can act
(and these are also wasted because we can actually do something about them)

THE ROOT CAUSE OF ALL WORRIES
There is one underlying for all sorts of worries. It is the fear not to be able to handle the situation. That’s it. Whatever you worry about, ultimately, you are afraid of not being able to handle the consequences. The truth is, however, you will always be able to find a way forward. That way forward may not be the one you had in mind before, but it will be there. Even if you don’t know a way forward now, trust that you will figure it out when it all comes to it. TRUST is a key concept here. Just imagine, you would KNOW that whatever happens, whatever life throws at you, you will manage somehow, you will find some sort of way forward. If you knew that, what would there be left to fear? The answer is: NOTHING. And what if life always gave you exactly what you needed to make progress in your personal development? Then you could relax and let it come – whatever it is. Decide to trust: ” Whatever happens, I will handle it” and notice how it makes you feel.

FACT: THERE IS NO PROGRESS WITHOUT FEAR AND WORRIES
The fact is, as long as you develop fear and worries will ALWAYS be in your life. Yes! They will NEVER go away. Everytime you try something new, you step out of your comfort zone, and the uncertainty about the outcome will produce feelings of fear and worrisome thoughts. This is the same for everyone. Once you know that fear and worries will always be part of a meaningful and exciting life, you can relax and focus your energy on managing your worries rather than fighting them. The best way to manage fear and worries is to go ahead regardless of them and trust that you can handle whatever comes next. Make fear and worries your companion in life.

6 STRATEGIES TO DEAL WITH WORRIES:
1. USE LOGIC
Ask yourself what is really true about this fear or worry? Go and find the facts alone or with a partner. You will see that most worries are totally generalized, over-exaggerated or plain false! Thoughts like “nobody likes me” are rarely ever true and yet their devastating effect on your emotions is as real as if it was. So don’t TRUST your worries! Once you have the facts (e.g. well, my mum likes me, my neighbour/doctor likes me etc. etc), the worry loses its power. There is a story about a man seeing Dr. Schuller I would like to share with you”

The man said, “It’s over. I’m finished. All my money has gone. I’VE LOST EVERYTHING.”
Dr. Schuller asked, “Can you still see?”
The man replied, “Yes, I can still see.”
Dr. Schuller asked, “Can you still walk?”
The man replied, “Yes, I can still walk.”
Schuller said, “Obviously you can still hear of you wouldn’t have phoned me.”
“Yes, I can still hear.”
“Well,” Schuller said, “I figure you have got about EVERYTHING LEFT. All you have lost is your money!”

This story is a bit simplistic but simplistic examples make the point: we tend to generalize “lost everything” and feel the respective negative feelings, when in reality we (only) lost some/a lot of money.

2. REMIND YOURSELF, THAT BAD THINGS DON’T HAPPEN THAT OFTEN
We tend to expect the worst everytime but the worst hardly ever happens. How often has the worst case scenario truly come to life for you? Rarely, I bet. So why do we insist that next time it will happen? It’s simply a bad habit. So tell yourself, that the worst thing happens very rarely!

3. REMIND YOURSELF, THAT EVEN IF THINGS ARE A LITTLE BIT BAD, YOU CAN HANDLE IT AND GET THROUGH IT
So even if things don’t work out the way you hoped. It’s hardly ever the end of the world. Focus on the things you are still grateful for and try and see something positive in the outcome even if it’s difficult to spot at first. I had cancer a couple of years ago and it felt like the end of the world at first, but it was also a blessing for me, a wake up call to re-focus on what truly matters to me, rather than blindly following the expectations of my boss/my company/society as a whole. If nothing else, you will always find some learning in a bad outcome – learning you would never have had, had it turned out otherwise! So look for the little good in the bad and keep going.

Next time you find yourself despairing, ask yourself these questions:
1. Have I got enough air to breathe?
2. Have I got enough food for today?
3. Am I going to survive?
If the answer is YES, things are already looking up!
So often, we magnify things out of proportion. The worst thing that could happen is probably very inconvenient, but not the end of the world.
If it helps you, make a plan of what you would do in the worst case scenario. This often helps to realize that things won’t be all that bad after all and you will gain some valuable peace of mind.

4. IGNORE YOUR WORRIES
You already know that worries grow with attention. The opposite is true as well. When you don’t spend time on them, worries shrivel and go away!
Obviously you cannot simply NOT worry at all but you can manage your worries. Set a specific worry time every day: 15 minutes in which you are allowed to worry about everything and anything. Just don’t do it outside your worry time.
If your worry pops up outside worry time, either imagine a box in your mind in which you lock this worry till it’s time or simply write it on a piece of paper and then put it away till worry time. You know you will spend time on it later.

Ask others to support you with this. Inform them about when your worry time is! Distract yourself with something else in the meantime. As if you switch a television channel, change thinking channel by remembering a happy memory, something that made you fell fabulous. Remember it with all your senses (what you see, hear, smell, felt, tasted). Alternatively think of something you are good at (comforting your child, folding clothes, skiing or coming up with ideas etc etc). Use this tool everytime you need to, ideally 5 minutes daily.

At first this will feel hard, as you have so many worries and you can’t wait to think or talk about them. After a while, however, something remarkable will happen…your list or your mental box won’t be as full as you thought.

5. STAND UP TO YOUR WORRY & TALK BACK
Did you know that your worry is actually a bully? As long as you take it, the bully will continue to mistreat you. Imagine the bully as an ugly creature. Get angry and talk back.
At first the bully is still stronger than you (after all it had you under control for so long) but you can train to win this match. You already know that your worry bully generalizes, over-exaggerates and lies. He will try and make you believe that the worst thing will definitely happen when it is very unlikely to happen. So don’t trust it! TALK BACK and imagine kicking or flicking it away. Keep doing that (the bully sees you as a weakling you listens to everything) as the bully will try again several times. Keep busy with something else.

6. STRENGTHEN YOUR BODY – RELAX AND EXERCISE
Research shows that good nutrition, regular exercise and sufficient 6-8 hours of sleep keep worries away. Without it, you literally invite the worries into your life.

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