How to achieve more by BEING rather than DOING
I think my whole life, I have been driven to work hard. In fact, I have probably been imprinted with this strong work ethic. My parents struggled to make ends meet when I was very young and worked very hard to build up their own business. They worked from home at first and then built their business in our garage, which they later turned into a shop/office. All I ever saw my parents do was work. Luckily they worked from home, so I could go and see them, but they were working nonetheless. And when my brother and I would watch television or “hang out” they would be quick to point out some work that needed to be done in the house that we could take over, be it washing the dishes, tidying up our rooms or hovering the dining area.
Over the years, this work ethic has served me in many ways. I have achieved lots in many areas (academic, practical, …) and it is still my default reaction to become ACTIVE and DO something, whenever I am faced with any issue or problem. I am even proud of this attitude. It allows me to tick off my “To Do” list items, it gives me this sense of achievement, I always have lots to tell others (“Your life is so interesting !”) always surprise the people around me with how many things I have done, set up, finished, accomplished.
However, with the help of my coach, I have recently discovered the downside of this way of life. There is no single thing in life you can say YES to without saying NO to something else at the same time. So, by saying YES to action, having lots of ideas and going for them, doing lots of things, not stopping, just adding to my achievement list… what did I say NO to without noticing it ?
I suddenly realized that I was missing out on life. Being active all the time, multi-tasking all the time makes you fast, a fast achiever but you miss the details, the joy. It is like a train that goes so fast you can hardly make out the flowers as you look out of the window. I realized I was losing out on enjoying life. I did not even stop to celebrate my successes ! As soon as I had achieved my goals I felt they were history, the past, so why spend more time on it. The future is waiting and more work is calling. As I love what I do and am a very positive and enthusiastic person, I did not see my next project as a chore in any way, in fact, I loved it. So it took me even longer to realize that I was missing out. In fact, when people tried to point out I should slow down and relax more in the past, I never understood why they wanted me to waist time. So, I made sure I nodded along but ignored their advice. It really was the concept of automatically saying NO to something (whether you like it or not) when you say YES to something else, that did it for me. So what was I saying NO to ? It was particularly the thought that my daughter might want me to just be with her, without a plan, without a mission, just be together and “hang out” so we could talk and enjoy time together. I suddenly realized that I might be missing out on her, on seeing her grow up. Ouch, connection with my daughter and husband is actually a value of mine, and I suddenly realized I was stepping on it.
But that was not the only thing I was missing out on. I was missing out on all the beauty around me because frankly, I did not have the time to stop and admire anything. But more importantly, I was stepping on another value of mine: constant learning and self development. If you only do, and don’t take time to think about the things you do, you don’t learn ! Ouch, that hurt again. I really love learning, and part of all my activities are meant to make me learn. But instead of gaining deep new insights about myself I was more like a surfer skidding along the surface of the water rather than going into a deeper understanding of myself.
Working these thoughts through, I suddenly came up with a metaphor for how I wanted to live my life, not in the fast train but more like an ocean with a natural rhythm of reaching out onto the beach with a push and then pulling back to gain force for the next push (the natural rhythm of breathing in and out would be a similar analogy). When pulling back or breathing in, I want to take pause, float above my life and reflect so I could learn about myself and get in touch with who I am and who I want to be before I would put all my force behind the next “push” of activity, one targeted and well aimed highly effective push in the direction of living a fulfilling life, rather than constant action in many directions at the same time. The result is a natural and constant rhythm of BEING and DOING.
I love my new philosophy. I feel much more relaxed, calmer, my relationships have deepened, I feel stronger and wiser. The things I still do are fully aligned with my values and purpose and with every reflection period I re-assess whether I am still on course and how to improve myself further based on the new learnings I gained. And funnily, I do consider myself to achieve more rather than less ! I achieve more of the essential things (essential to me/ aligned with who I am and where I want to go), the few key things that really make a difference.
Are you taking time to BE ? Time to think about who you want to be ? Time to float above your day-to-day life and assess whether you like the direction you are heading in or whether the ladder you are climbing actually leans against the right wall ? You won’t need much time to start ! 5 minutes a day are a great starting point. Make a commitment today to get started. But only if a fulfilling life is of interest to you.
Your Perfect Summer Holiday in the Bavarian Alps
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July 15th, 2007 at 10:06 pm
[...] presents How to achieve more by BEING rather than DOING posted at Develop & [...]
July 17th, 2007 at 12:32 am
[...] Carnival isn’t really about personal development, but Samir’s article How to achieve more by BEING rather than DOING posted at Develop & Grow rings so true for me, I had to include it. Enough of the doing people [...]
July 18th, 2007 at 12:52 am
[...] Carnival isn’t really about personal development, but Samir’s article How to achieve more by BEING rather than DOING posted at Develop & Grow rings so true for me, I had to include it. Enough of the doing people [...]
July 23rd, 2007 at 4:55 am
Thank you for this post, I agree with you indeed that there is a natural rhythm to life, and that life does not consist only of doing, but of being. More power!
August 1st, 2007 at 1:57 am
[...] Sodha over at The Power of Choice included How to achieve more by BEING rather than DOING in the July 15 edition of The Personal Development [...]
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