How Stillness can save you from Burn-Out !
I have a very busy life. I have a full time job, coaching clients who I am passionate about, I write, I research, I exercise hard, am constantly attending courses and seminars as well as spending time with friends and family in my spare time. My life is usually a fantastic journey of fun, and as ever an act of balance.
Lately, I have been getting very tired and not sleeping very well. As a result, I have been tired, irritable and down - in fact, not my usual self. This has negatively impacted my relationship with my family, a primary value of mine. I have been snappy with my daughter, and avoided any serious discussion or dreaming with my wife. I was not able to give a 100% to my clients and colleagues. I became dull, not great fun to be around and just so tired all the time. This is not me ! I am normally highly energized, love action and have terrific endurance to face all that life throws at me. Hey, I love life !
I mentioned my busy life to my coach and he asked me what the “busy-ness” in my life did for me. I knew immediately that it added to my self-esteem through action and a deeply ingrained work ethic that ensured I place effort, where I wanted success. All of this made sense to me at the time. I have been brought up to believe in hard work leading to results.
I am creative and action oriented, manage my time extremely well, work and play hard and am very successful in my career (all of this is relative of course, as we are all different). Being multi-tasked and getting great results through constant achievement was obviously working for me. But what about the bad nights sleep and the fatigue I felt during the day ?
My fun in the journey of life was getting eroded and I knew something was wrong. But frankly, I had no idea what this was. I could not identify the “busy-ness”.
Something I picked from the next chat with my coach was that I had very little time doing nothing. Well, to be absolutely honest, I had no time at all for doing nothing. The concept of nothing did not fit into either my beliefs or my practices and sounded a bit like “laziness”.
My coach touched upon a very common phenomenon amongst “successful” people, that of “burn-out”. Those of us who have fast paced careers and personal lives will at one point of another face this. The busy world we live in and create for ourselves takes its toll on us. “Burn-out” is a very natural result of pushing ourselves too hard for too long. Reaping the eventual consequences of mental exhaustion and/or physical sickness. It’s impact can be far reaching, affecting our entire lives. Not only our current lives but also our future relationships, goals and endeavors. From being highly “successful”, burn-out can lead to failure in every aspect of our lives. Career, family, money, health, personal growth and indeed our physical environment can all become victim. A loss of balance is natural in life, it’s part of the journey and I was losing balance big time without consciously realising it. I was becoming a victim of stress and losing touch with myself.
I have two careers. I am a banker as well as a co-active coach. I love my clients and I am excited by their resourcefulness and the inspiration they give me. They are indeed innovative and complete as humans and I am passionate about their well-being, honored to be their coach and banker. Quite naturally, I spend a lot of time thinking about my work. A lot of my spare time involves thinking about my clients and the various ways in which I can add value to them. My brain is never really inactive and constantly tasks itself with a new thought pattern or process. What I had begun to realize was that my active self had taken over in every aspect of my life and I was pushing myself in everything I was doing. For someone dedicated to fun, this was doing just the opposite. I could not switch off, and my careers were taking over my complete life. My thoughts were taking away relaxation, and my constant search for achievement was ensuring I got very little rest. My mind could not relax and I had gotten into the habit of constant activity without rest or relaxation. I had chosen stress !
The lack of sleep and resultant fatigue, however, had finally set off alarm bells and I made this a priority. My coach and I have focused a great deal on the “being” or the spiritual side of who I am as a person and so I worked with him to regain the balance in thought which has been missing in my life. This has been a remarkable experience.
I was asked to explore “stillness” A concept unknown to me. For two weeks I struggled with a half hour of mental “stillness” every day. I walked on the beach, sipped a cold drink on the terrace, laid down and closed my eyes, sat on the beach and watched the sunset, went for a run.
“Stillness” had nothing to do with being still, but all to do with living in the moment, enjoying every minute of what you are doing and, not thinking about the past or the future. Honoring the moment, squeezing the juice out of that precise second in that precise minute knowing that this is it, and that the moment will never return. It is all about going into oneself and really engaging with what’s current. Reality is NOW ! It is focusing on where you are and really appreciating the sensations of the moment.
As you read this, look up and focus on the place you are at, really focus on what you can see around you. Listen to all the sounds that you can pick up, all the little background noises that you become aware of. Smell what you can . Really focus your being on enjoying where you are right now. This is “stillness”, and it is fantastic. I am an avid practitioner of “stillness” now. It clears my mind from worries, thoughts about the future, let’s me enjoy the moment and constantly brings me new perspectives on the amazing world we live in. I thank my coach Andy Denne, for this journey to “stillness”. Just in case anyone is interested, I sleep very well the days I choose to to spend time in “stillness”. I have more energy, and am much more relaxed. Everything seems to fall into place. There are still days when I forget. It is all about improving !
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July 24th, 2007 at 9:37 pm
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