How To Succeed With New Years Resolutions
SETTING NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS THAT WORK
Do you belong to those who have given up setting New Year’s Resolutions because you came to the conclusion that they don’t work for you ? Then you have come to the right place.
Most NY Resolutions fail for 3 reasons:
1. Your resolution is actually a favour to someone else and YOU don’t REALLY want the result (e.g. I’ll be nicer to my nagging mother-in-law). After the first 3 weeks you are back to believing that that mother-in-law actually deserves a kick up the backside.
2. You haven’t made is strong, it’s way too vague and non-specific (e.g. I’ll exercise more and eat more healthy – that resolution is achieved after one extra apple and taking the stairs instead of the lift once, but is that what you meant ? ). Often people set negatively phrased NY Resolutions (e.g. I’ll no more alcohol during the week). Such resolutions are so uninspiring, that you are setting yourself up for disaster. What would you like to do instead ? Compare the previous resolution with this one: “Everytime I’ll feel like a drink during the week, I’ll make myself a yummy fruit cocktail and call my friend”.
Finally, most resolutions are phrased as “Have” or “Do” resolutions (e.g. I want to “have” more money or I will “do” more sports). The most powerful resolutions, however, have 3 parts: a “Be”, a “Do” and a “Have” part. To “have” more money, you need to commit to “doing” something more or different and “being” a different person, e.g. more courageous or more organized.
3. You aren’t prepared to work for it (e.g. I will lose 10 kg next year). If there is no real benefit to YOU of losing any weight, then why bother ? Doctor’s warnings etc are all nice and well, but you need to make it personally desirable to have a chance to succeed. Losing 10kg to prevent diseases feels rather tedious. Losing 10kg to be able to play football with your son again or to take part in those hiking excursions that sound like so much fun, is a completely different matter.
Not wanting to work for a resolution is actually a result of not really wanting the end result. I am dead certain, if you really really want something you will move the earth to get it. So the secret is to put your goal in a way that makes it irresistibly attractive to YOU.
And then, there is commitment – deciding that you will simply do it, give it a full blown try despite your doubts and hesitations. Wrestling with your own inner voice is almost the hardest part but I will share some techniques with you below that get that inner voice to go on vacation.
So let’s dive into the
DEVELOP & GROW “New Year’s Resolutions That Work” Process (copyrighted – a proprietory process for your private use only – see below)
STEP 1: Set Your New Year’s Resolution
Whether you already thought of some resolutions or haven’t even started, your main aim now is to create some goals for the next 12 months which really get you excited. To help you with that, use the following exercise.
Journey Into The Future:
Close your eyes, breathe deeply and become conscious of your muscles. Start by concentrating on the muscles in your lower back. Every time you breathe out let the tension go and feel how your muscles become more relaxed. Move your consciousness to the muscles in your upper back and your shoulders, breathe away any tension there, then move on into your arms, hands and fingers. Travel up your neck and remove any tension here before you raise further to your jaw, face and scalp. Now do the same thing moving down and breathing away tension in your chest, stomach, pelvis, thighs and then calves and feet.
As you continue to breathe in and out, imagine yourself one year from now.
Think about what would make this coming year your best year ever ? What would not just make it good but exceptional and outstanding ?
Really think about what is truly important to YOU ! What would be a great place or situation to be in, in 12 months from now ? What would be a place or situation you would be proud to be in ?
In that place or situation: What do you notice …? What do you see around you ? Who do you see around you ? What sort of things do these people say ? Which other sounds do you hear in that wonderful place one year from now ?
How does it feel in that space ? Really check in with yourself, what does it feel like in that beautiful place or situation 12 months from today ?
What’s the air like and the light ? What does it smell of ? Take in the whole atmosphere of you in 12 months from now and paint as colourful and vivid a picture in your mind as you can.
Once you have a detailed mental picture that feels fabulous to you, you can take a break.
Now go back to imagine that you are in this future situation or place, whatever it was that needed to change or be done to get there, has happened. Imagining that you are already 12 months into the future, you will look back at the past 12 months as from that future place they are already history. Imagine you HAVE made this year your best year ever ! WOW. See yourself one year from now sitting in a comfy chair, satisfied and exhilarated reflecting back upon the past 12 months.
What kind of person were you in those 12 months ? How were you different than before ? How would those closest to you describe how you were in ? Listen to their words. How would other (less close) people describe you.
What changes did you make in the last 12 months ? What exactly did you do ? What did you achieve ? What was different ? What did you like best about it and what did you like least ? What did your partner say to the things you had changed or achieved in those 12 months ? Which other people made comments and which one’s ?
Now notice your breathing again, in and out. At the count of 3 you will be opening your eyes and come back feeling relaxed and refreshed but you will not talk for another 2 minutes. I am counting: 3, noticing the sounds around you, 2 stretching your arms and legs and 1, open your eyes and come back.
Take the sheet in front of you and write down the details of your journey into the future. A few questions are there to help you remember it. This is only for yourself and you will not need to share your notes with anyone.
Now take a few minutes to write down your thoughts:
JOURNEY INTO THE FUTURE
| In your thoughs, what was exciting about the New Year ? | |
| What exactly made the New Year your best year ever ? | |
| What kind of person were you in the New Year ? | |
| What did you do that was different ? | |
| Other Thoughts (e.g. what else was different) : |
Now use the above notes to phrase an inspiring goal or resolution for the next 12 months. Be bold. For now, don’t worry about how you will achieve it, just make sure you are truly excited about it.
My New Years Resolution
This year I truly want to:________________________________________________
STEP 2: Boost Your New Year’s Resolutions Strength
Have a look at the statement you’ve just written and use the following strength boosters:
* Is the resolution mine ? Is it something that I truly want not something I should be wanting (or my my husband/wife/partner, my kids, my parents etc want) ? If necessary, rephrase it to something that YOU truly want and care about. Do it right now.
* Is it phrased in the positive (e.g. I will eat healthy food rather than I won’t eat chocolate anymore) ? If not, turn it into a positive NOW.
*Does it make you enthusiastic and inspire you ? If not, rework it.
* Does it fit into your life and is it realistic, i.e. do you believe that you can do it ? Being able to fly without technical help wouldn’t be realistic. Change it to make it realistic (while keeping it exciting).
* Is is measurable ? Ask yourself how you would know that you have achieved your resolution ? What would be a tangible sign that you are there ? Make sure you include this in your resolution.
STEP 3: Complete Your New Year’s Resolution
Every goal and every resolution has 3 parts, a “Be”, a “Do” and a “Have” part. Usually we phrase our resolutions as either a “Be”, a “Do” or a “Have” resolution, e.g. “I want to have 5 more regular clients (“have”) or “I want to go to gym twice a week( “do”) ” or “I want to be a great friend who takes time and listens(“be”)”.
To succeed with your New Years Resolution you need to be aware of all 3 parts. So go ahead and determine whether your resolution above is a “Be”, a “Do” or a “Have” resolution. Then write your resolution into the respective column. Now you are ready to find its two partners in the remaining column.
BE-DO-HAVE Table
| BE | DO | HAVE |
| I AM a sporty person. |
I will GO to the gym at least 3 times a week | I want to HAVE a beautiful body |
STEP 3: Commit To Your New Year’s Resolution
Specifically commit to the “Be” (I am a sporty person) and “Do” (I exercise at least 3 times a week) parts of your resolution and the “Have” part (I will have a great body) will come automatically.
Now think about your resolution one last time and say YES to it in your mind. Write it into the YES column below. If you say wholeheartedly YES to your resolution, what will you have to NO to in order to be the person you want to be and do the things you want to achieve. Write the answers into the YES/NO table.
YES-NO Table
| YES | NO |
| BE (copy from above) | |
| DO (copy from above) |
If you have trouble here are a few questions to help you:
So what’s at stake if you are who you want to be ? What it is at stake if you don’t ?
What’s at stake if you do what you want to do ? What happens if you don’t ?
Everything in your “NO” column is making space for your new resolution to come to life.
Find a partner and discuss your YES/NO table to complete it. What could throw you off track ? What else do you have to say yes/no to to reach your destination ?
Look over your yes/no table. This is your plan ! How alive is the plan on a scale from 1-10 with 10 being thrillingly alive and 1 a dead fish.
If it is 8-10, discuss with your partner how you will celebrate.
If it is not 8-10. Think about why not ? What would have to change ?
STEP 4: Your Final New Year’s Resolution Statement
Writing your New Year’s Resolution down is a key ingredient for staying committed. If it’s not written down, we tend to change the wording in line with our action/non-action. “I will go to the gym 3 times a week” changes into “I will go to the gym at least once a week” etc.
So fill in the commitment statement below, date and sign it. Then write a second copy and put it in an envelope. Mark your address on it and give it to a friend to mail it to you in 6 weeks. Alternatively put the closed envelope in your calendar and only open it in 6 weeks.
I _____________ fully commit to saying YES to _____________________
and saying NO to _____________________________________________
My immediate action is _____________________________________. And I will do this by ___________________ .
I will make it happen !
_____________________
Signature and Date
Congratulations ! You have now made a commitment to yourself. Here are some further tips on how to keep it:
- make an even more detailed plan (stay flexible as you go)
- talk about it/ enroll others
- hold yourself accountable by setting milestones and checking them
- set up a system of reminders (e.g. wear your watch on the other hand)
- hang up your resolution where you can see it regularly
- acknowledge success and reward yourself / celebrate
- find a partner and ask to hold each other accountable (set a date to check in on each other). Alternatively engage a good coach.
Good luck ! And a very happy next 12 months !
The Develop & Grow “New Year’s Resolutions That Work” Process is proprietory to www.developandgrow.com. You can use it privately. Any commercial use requires prior written consent by the owner of www.developandgrow.com.
Holidays & Self Development
People go on holidays for all sorts of reasons: to relax, to indulge, to explore, to have fun, to come back stronger, healthier and happier. Wellness holidays are growing in popularity.
Wouldn’t it be great to go on holiday and not only come back with a healthier body and a more relaxed mind but also have figured out the way ahead, maybe found more clarity and even one’s purpose, or picked up some new strategies for increasing the number of smiles every day – long after you returned home ?
For years we have been searching for that perfect place to offer just that. We considered New Zealand, Cornwall in the UK, Vancouver and Victoria Island in Canada, California and those traditional holiday locations. And then we discovered a well-kept secret: a place that is not marketing itself like Dubai and is not well known like the Bahamas or Paris, yet provides the most stunning natural beauty combined with history & castles and abounding outdoor opportunities: Schwangau with Neuschwanstein Castle in the Bavarian Alps/ German. You must check it out. Have a first look here: The Perfect Christmas Holiday
or watch this You Tube video: Village of the King’s Castles
With two experienced professional certified coaches who chose to make Schwangau by Neuschwanstein castle their home, we can tailor your holiday to move you forward on the important questions in your life while relaxing and having fun outdoor or indoor. Ask us to make your trip magical!
Free Happiness Tests
This is an overview of THE best and most thoroughly validated FREE happiness tests available online. They are regularly used by scientists to test the happiness of nations, groups and individuals. So go and try them out to determine your own happiness score.
One of my passions is helping people to enjoy their lives more, helping them to create more happiness which has been proven to boost people’s energy, creativity, immune system/health, productivity at work and even lead to a longer life ! I deliberately use the word “create” not “find” because happiness is not something you can find “out there”, the only place to generate it from is “from inside” by learning the attitudes, skills and strategies to become happier (if you would like me to coach you to be happier, just drop me an email at coaching@developandgrow.com).
Remember the quote from Agnes Repplier:
It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.
So, let’s have a look at the free happiness tests I promised.
FREE OVERALL HAPPINESS TESTS
First of all there are tests that measure overall subjective well-being (many scientists prefer the term subjective well-being instead of happiness). These tests give you a score for your genetic set point for happiness, the happiness level you automatically return back to after great ups (e.g. a pay-raise at work) or downs (e.g. loss of a friend). This level is different for everyone; some people are naturally happier than others.
1. Subjective Happiness Scale – by Sonja Lyubomirsky
The average happiness score runs from about 4.5 to 5.5. College students tend to score lower (averaging a bit below 5) than working adults and older, retired people (who average 5.6)
2. Life Satisfaction Test – by Ed Diener
The average score for adults here is 5.8.
FREE SPECIFIC HAPPINESS LEVEL TEST
Only 50% of your happiness is determined by genetics though, 10% (ONLY !) by life circumstances such as how much money you earn/ job you hold/ size of car you have and another 40% of your happiness can be influenced by your intentional activities (your thoughts, actions, attitudes). Through these you influence your happiness level which could be way above your happiness set point. The Oxford Happiness Questionnaire is a scale which measures your happiness level. You can and should take it regularly (i.e. every 6 months) to see how your happiness level evolves, particularly if you are working (with or without a coach) on new ways of becoming a happier person.
The Oxford Happiness Questionnaire – by Michael Argyle
The average score is around 4.3. Your own score will have most meaning by comparing it to a future score of yours (say in 3 months) to see whether you are making progress in becoming a happier person (before you re-take the test, you should work on something that is scientifically proven to boost your happiness such as counting your blessings every night, i.e. finding 3 things that you are grateful for – or anything else of course).
OTHER FREE HAPPINESS TESTS
The Positive Psychology department at the University of Pennsylvania is constantly developing new improved happiness tests. If you would like to try them out check this website. They are free but you need to register to take them.
There are plenty of self-made quizzes about happiness as well. None of them are validated, so the interpretation of your results may or may not be correct. If you take those, take them for fun. If you really want to assess or even work on your happiness level, take the one’s recommended above. Happy testing !
Free Oxford Happiness Test
The Oxford Happiness Questionnaire
Your score on the Oxford Happiness Questionnaire reflects your current happiness level, which will vary depending on what you DO and how you THINK (40% of your happiness is dependent on your intentional activities!). It’s a great test to re-take regularly in order to track your progress on becoming a happier person. Your score will be different from your happiness set point, your genetically determined starting point.
Instructions
Below are a number of statements about happiness. Please indicate how much you agree or disagree with each statement by entering a number in the blank after each of them. Use the following scale:
1 = strongly disagree
2 = moderately disagree
3 = slightly disagree
4 = slightly agree
5 = moderately agree
6 = strongly agree
Please read the statements carefully, because some are phrased positively and others negatively. There are no right or wrong answers and no trick questions. Just answer what comes to your mind first.
The Questionnaire
1. I don’t feel particularly pleased with the way I am. (X) _____
2. I am intensely interested in other people. _____
3. I feel that life is very rewarding. _____
4. I have very warm feelings towards almost everyone. _____
5. I rarely wake up feeling rested. (X) _____
6. I am not particularly optimistic about the future. (X) _____
7. I find most things amusing. _____
8. I am always committed and involved. _____
9. Life is good. _____
10. I don’t think that the world is a good place. (X) _____
11. I laugh a lot. _____
12. I am well satisfied with everything in my life. _____
13. I don’t think I look attractive. (X) _____
14. There is a gap between what I would like to do and what I have done. (X) _____
15. I am very happy. _____
16. I find beauty in some things. _____
17. I always have a cheerful effect on others. _____
18. I can find time for everything I want to do. _____
19. I feel that I am not especially in control of my life. (X) _____
20. I feel able to take anything on. _____
21. I feel fully mentally alert. _____
22. I often experience joy and elation. _____
23. I don’t find it easy to make decisions. (X) _____
24. I don’t have a particular sense of meaning and purpose in my life. (X) _____
25. I feel I have a great deal of energy. _____
26. I usually have a positive influence on events. _____
27. I don’t have fun with other people. (X) _____
28. I don’t feel particularly healthy. (X) _____
29. I don’t have particularly happy memories of the past. (X) _____
How to calculate your score
Step 1. 12 items have been marked with an (X). These should be “reverse-scored” as follows:
If you gave yourself a “1,” cross it out and change it to a “6.”
Change “2″ to a “5″
Change “3″ to a “4″
Change “4″ to a “3″
Change “5″ to a “2″
Change “6″ to a “1″
Step 2. Using the changed scores for those 12 items, now add your scores for ALL the 29 items.
Step 3. Your happiness score = the total (from step 2) divided by 29.
The lowest possible score is obviously 1 and the highest possible score is 6. The average is around 4.3. Your own score will have most meaning by comparing it to a future score of yours (say in 3 months) to see whether you are making progress in becoming a happier person (before you re-take the test, you should work on something that is scientifically proven to boost your happiness such as counting your blessings every night, i.e. finding 3 things that you are grateful for – or anything else of course).
Reference
Hills, P., & Argyle, M. (2002). The Oxford Happiness Questionnaire: a compact scale for the measurement of psychological well-being. Personality and Individual Differences, 33, 1073–1082.
My Top 10 Favourite Happiness Quotes to Inspire You
Here are my top 10 favourite happiness quotes and many more. Enjoy and let them inspire you!
1. It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere. – Agnes Repplier
2. “Happiness is an attitude. We either make ourselves miserable, or happy and strong. The amount of work is the same.” ~ Francesca Reigler, artist
3. When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us. - Helen Keller
4. Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful. – Albert Schweitzer
5. Action may not always bring happiness, but there is no happiness without action. – Benjamin Disraeli
6. The foolish man seeks happiness in the distance, the wise grows it under his feet. – James Oppenheim
7. Happiness is not so much in having as sharing. We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give. – Norman Mac Ewan
8. People spend a lifetime searching for happiness; looking for peace. They chase idle dreams, addictions, religions, even other people, hoping to fill the emptiness that plagues them. The irony is the only place they ever needed to search was within. – Ramona L. Anderson
9. Often people attempt to live their lives backwards; they try to have more things, or more money, in order to do more of what they want, so they will be happier. The way it actually works is the reverse. You must first be who you really are, then do what you need to do, in order to have what you want. ~Margaret Young
10. When someone does something good, applaud! You will make two people happy.
- Samuel Goldwyn
And other great quotes about happiness:
It isn’t what you have, or who you are, or where you are, or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about. — Dale Carnegie
Don’t ask yourself what the world needs, ask yourself what makes you come alive. And then go and do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive. — Harold Whitman
There can be no happiness if the things we believe in are different from the things we do. ~Freya Stark, The Journey’s Echo
It’s not how much we have, but how much we enjoy that makes happiness. – Unknown
Happiness often sneaks in through a door you didn’t know you left open. – John Barrymore
Nobody really cares if you’re miserable, so you might as well be happy. ~Cynthia Nelms
People take different roads seeking fulfillment and happiness. Just because they’re not on your road doesn’t mean they’ve gotten lost. ~H. Jackson Browne
The happiest people don’t have the best of it. They make the best of everything.
Happiness is a way of travel, not a destination. Roy Goodman
We act as though comfort and luxury were the chief requirements in life, when all we need to make us really happy is something to be enthusiastic about. ~Charles Kingsley
People are as happy as they make up their minds to be. Abraham Lincoln
Gratefulness is the key to a happy life that we hold in our hands, because if we are not grateful, then no matter how much we have we will not be happy — because we will always want to have something else or something more. – Brother David Steindl-Rast
Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn or consumed. Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace and gratitude. – Denis Waitley
The true way to render ourselves happy is to love our work and find in it our pleasure – Francoise de Motteville
There is only one happiness in life, to love and be loved. – George Sand
The basic thing is that everyone wants happiness, no one wants suffering. And happiness mainly comes from our own attitude, rather than from external factors. If your own mental attitude is correct, even if you remain in a hostile atmosphere, you feel happy. -H.H. The Dalai Lama
Consider the following. We humans are social beings. We come into the world as the result of others’ actions. We survive here in dependence on others. Whether we like it or not, there is hardly a moment of our lives when we do not benefit from others’ activities. For this reason it is hardly surprising that most of our happiness arises in the context of our relationships with others. – H.H. The Dalai Lama
When we feel love and kindness toward others, it not only makes others feel loved and cared for, but it helps us also to develop inner happiness and peace. – H.H. The Dalai Lama
If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion. – H.H. The Dalai Lama
Many people have a wrong idea of what constitutes true happiness. It is not attained through self-gratification, but through fidelity to a worthy purpose. – Helen Keller
Those who bring sunshine into the lives of others, cannot keep it from themselves. – James M. Barrie
The world has to learn that the actual pleasure derived from material things is of rather low quality on the whole and less even in quantity than it looks to those who have not tried it. – Oliver Wendell Holmes
Growth itself contains the germ of happiness. – Pearl S. Buck
If you want to be happy, be. ~Leo Tolstoy
Most people would rather be certain they’re miserable, than risk being happy. ~Robert Anthony
This is my “depressed stance.” When you’re depressed, it makes a lot of difference how you stand. The worst thing you can do is straighten up and hold your head high because then you’ll start to feel better. If you’re going to get any joy out of being depressed, you’ve got to stand like this. ~Charlie Brown
Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be. ~Abraham Lincoln
We tend to forget that happiness doesn’t come as a result of getting something we don’t have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have. ~Frederick Keonig
Happiness is a direction, not a place. ~Sydney J. Harris
We are no longer happy so soon as we wish to be happier. ~Walter Savage Landor
So long as we can lose any happiness, we possess some. ~Booth Tarkington
You cannot always have happiness, but you can always give happiness. ~Author Unknown
There can be no happiness if the things we believe in are different from the things we do. ~Freya Stark, The Journey’s Echo
Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things. ~Robert Brault, robertbrault.com
To be happy, we must not be too concerned with others. ~Albert Camus, The Fall, 1956
Some pursue happiness, others create it. ~Author Unknown
The essence of philosophy is that a man should so live that his happiness shall depend as little as possible on external things. ~Epictetus
You need to learn to be happy by nature, because you’ll seldom have the chance to be happy by circumstance. ~Lavetta Sue Wegman
Plenty of people miss their share of happiness, not because they never found it, but because they didn’t stop to enjoy it. ~William Feather
Happiness is a conscious choice, not an automatic response. ~Mildred Barthel
Happiness is not a state to arrive at, but a manner of traveling. ~Margaret Lee Runbeck
Aristotle
To live happily is an inward power of the soul.
Happiness comes from spiritual wealth, not material wealth… Happiness comes from giving, not getting. If we try hard to bring happiness to others, we cannot stop it from coming to us also. To get joy, we must give it, and to keep joy, we must scatter it. – John Templeton
The greater part of our happiness or misery depends on our dispositions, and not on our circumstances. We carry the seeds of the one or the other about with us in our minds wherever we go. – Martha Washington
Happiness is not having what you want. It is wanting what you have. – Anon
Happiness is enhanced by others but does not depend upon others. – Anon
Happiness is a choice that requires effort at times. – Anon
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go. – Oscar Wilde
Change your thoughts and you change your world. – William James
Happiness is a habit—cultivate it. – Elbert Hubbard
Worry doesn’t help tomorrow’s troubles, but it does ruin today’s happiness.
- Unknown
“The happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts: therefore, guard accordingly, and take care that you entertain no notions unsuitable to virtue and reasonable nature.” ~ Marcus Aurelius
“Simply put, you believe that things or people make you unhappy, but this is not accurate. You make yourself unhappy.” ~ Wayne Dyer
“We always have enough to be happy if we are enjoying what we do have–and not worrying about what we don’t have.” ~ Ken Keyes, Jr.
Being happy doesn’t mean everything is perfect. It means you have decided to look beyond the imperfections. –Unknown
Like swimming, riding, writing, or playing golf, happiness can be learned. — Boris Sokoloff
Happiness radiates like the fragrance from a flower, and draws all good things toward you. — Maharishi Mahesh Yogi
To get up each morning with the resolve to be happy . . . is to set our own conditions to the events of each day. To do this is to condition circumstances instead of being conditioned by them. — Ralph Waldo Emerson
And finally:
Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mistery. And today ? Today is a gift. That’s why we call it the present. B. Olatunji
5 Truths About Fear & How to Deal With It
I am meeting a lot of people who feel afraid these days. No wonder, we live in unstable times. The economic crisis has rocked our boat and taken away some of the reliable anchors we used to trust.
In her book “Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway” Susan Jeffers reveals some excellent truths about fear which I must share with you. The core message is to understand that fear will always be there as long as you continue to develop and grow. But you can deal with fear just fine if you develop the TRUST that whatever happens to you, whatever life throws at you, YOU CAN HANDLE IT.
3 Levels of Fear
There are 3 levels of fear. Level 1 fears are the surface story and they are situation-oriented (such as Aging, Dying, Illness or Changing a Career, Making a Mistake, Ending a relationship). Level 2 fears are not situation-oriented, they involve the ego and reflect your sense of self (such as Rejection, Failure, Disapproval, Loss of image). There is only one fear on Level 3. It is the bottom of all fears: the fear that you “can’t handle it !”.
If you knew you could handle anything that came your way, what would you possibly have to fear ? The answer is: NOTHING.
This is tremendous news. It means that you can handle ALL your fears WITHOUT having to control anything in the outside world ! Isn’t that a relief !?
How ? All you have to do to diminish your fear is to develop MORE TRUST in your ability to handle whatever comes your way !
Just keep telling yourself again and again:
Whatever happens to me, given any situation, I can handle it !
5 Truths About Fear
TRUTH 1 : The fear will never go away as long as I continue to grow.
So unless you decide that you are satisfied to stay exactly where you are today in all areas of your life, you will not be able to live without fear. Fear is an inevitable part of growth. The two go together. So don’t wait for it to go away for it won’t ! Take it as a relief that you won’t have to work so hard anymore to get rid of your fears and get ready for a new productive relationship with your fears.
TRUTH 2: The only way to get rid of the fear of doing something is to go out and do it.
This is not contradictory to truth 1 at all. Fear of particular situations dissolve when you finally confront them. The “doing it” comes before the fear goes away.
TRUTH 3: The only way to feel better about myself is to go out … and do it.
The “doing it” comes before the feeling better about yourself. So when you do something that’s scary you will not only get rid of the fear, you will also build your self-confidence.
TRUTH 4: Not only am I going to experience fear whenever I’m on unfamiliar territory, but so is everyone else.
Isn’t it a relief that you are not alone ? All those successful people out there have been afraid, too. They had to push through a tremendous amount of fear and they are probably still pushing. Change your habit of retreating when you feel fear to seeing it as a green light for moving ahead. Keep reading the fear truths until you they become part of your being.
TRUTH 5: Pushing through fear is less frightening than living with the underlying fear that comes from a feeling of helplessness.
There is no security in the “cocoon” we build for ourselves. The more helpless we feel, the more severs is the undercurrent of dread that comes with knowing there are situations in life over which we have no control – such as the death of a partner or the loss of a job. This is the irony of truth 5: People who refuse to take risks have to live with a dread that is far more severe than what they would feel if they took the risks necessary to make them less helpless – only they don’t know it!
Summary:
We can’t escape fear. We can only transform it into a companion that accompanies us in all our exciting adventures.
So let’s do it ! Alone or together 
Emotional Rollercoaster Or the Psychology of Running
2 weeks after starting my running training I was ready to give up. I felt I couldn’t enjoy my running anymore as I was trying to “achieve” running results (fast pace and long distance). I used to enjoy the scenery, noticed the flowers and natures as I passed it, but no more in my new routine. All I could concentrate on was getting enough breath to carry on.
My frustration with one particular run with my faster running husband that week kicked off a whole lot of philosophic thoughts about why people physically push themselves in the first place … I felt I had nothing to prove to myself on that front, so why do it ? To find an answer to that question I wondered what those accomplished runner friends of mine are motivated by. Self worth leapt to my mind. But enjoyment ?
Clearly, I had made up a limiting belief that you cannot train for marathon and enjoy the process.
That week I wrote a letter of resignation to my running coach. Luckily for me, he asked me to come to the training anyway and I did.
He explained to me that he did not expect me to push myself so hard as to stop enjoying my running – quite the opposite. He encouraged me to run exactly the way I enjoy it and take longer – so what. The simplicity of his argumentation was powerful to me. I was left with little to say and an anticipation for my next leisurely training run.
Amazing how we sometimes make up rules about things like my “when you train for a running event like a half marathon, you no longer can enjoy your runs”.
I have meanwhile run many times and enjoyed lots of them. In fact, I now set my goals such that they are just the right little stretches for my level of ability (not my husband’s or anyone else’s !), and I feel so proud when I manage to run 5 minutes longer than last time.
Raising bilingual and multilingual children !
The first book that coaches parents how to develop their personal success plan for raising bilingual and multilingual children !
Make Your Child Multilingual!
The 10 Step Success Plan to Raising Bilingual/Multilingual Children
A workbook for parents
By Silke Rehman
Bringing children up with more than one language is a gift for life ! We live in a global world and most parents would love their child(ren) to grow up with an additional language. Yet most struggle along the way and many never succeed. What makes it worse is that parents often don’t notice the warning signs until their child is older, when it is much harder to correct the earlier mistakes.
What parents need is much more than knowledge about the topic ! They need step by step guidance to apply the knowledge to their specific family situation and put it into practice. Parents don’t fail in theory, they fail in practice.
The purpose of “Make Your Child Multilingual !” is to empower parents to successfully raise their children with more than one language by leading them through the practical steps of planning their own family-tailored success journey. “Make Your Child Multilingual !” is the first book on multilingualism written by a professional certified coach with a multilingual family and based on her proven successful workshop which made hundreds of families successful over the course of 3 years prior to writing. It integrates coaching tools and a thorough planning process to provide a practical approach to successfully raising multilingual children, tailored to each family’s needs. It provides it all in 10 easy steps: a powerful success plan.
The author coaches parents step by step to develop a complete success plan tailored to the reader’s specific family situation. “Make Your Child Multilingual!” is not just a collection of ideas and advice but truly a workbook that integrates the latest coaching tools as well as first hand experiences from numerous workshop participants and the author herself. Parents finish the workbook with their personal success plan in hand.
Specifically, the book
- provides exactly the information you need to succeed – no information overload , no unnecessary academics
- guides you through developing a personalised success plan tailored to your family needs – no one-size-fits-all solutions
- is based on the proven successful workshop and real-life success stories
- offers dozens of tried and tested tips and tricks from other parents
- written by a multilingual, professional, certified coach (ACC, CPCC, NLP Coach, MBA) who has gone through the method herself
“Make Your Child Multilingual!” costs $ 19.95 and is available for download from www.themlnetwork.com/ebook/
When it all gets too much…STRESS and How to Get Rid of It !
Have you been following the principle “work before pleasure” or “business before play” and wondered why you always feel stressed ? The hard scientific truth is: these principles don’t work !
Let’s first have a look what stress actually is: You feel stressed when….
… you feel helpless
… you feel driven by others
… you don’t know how long the pressure will last
… you feel you are a victim
… you feel you can’t handle it
Stress is a natural body reaction to cope with extraordinary pressures. The key is not just to know how to avoid those stressful feelings but to know how to get rid of them fast.
The more you are in control of your life and the way you spend your time, the less stressed you will feel. So stress relief is a matter of organization !
First Aid against Stress:
1. What is the source of my stress ?
Your first task is to figure out the real source for your stress. Just ask yourself what really causes you to feel pressured. The daily way to work ? The routine tasks at home ? The noise ? Your boss’s comments .. and what about them exactly ?
2. Relaxation
Breaks from your work are vital for staying balanced. This sounds simple and yet, sometimes, the simplest solutions are the best. Taking a break allows you to switch off or step back so you can see the big picture again. It will put your current task in perspective and allow you to see new solutions and opportunities. At the very least it will just recharge your batteries for you to keep going.
3. Sport
Find a sport or a form of movement that you enjoy. Enjoyment is key here. The impact of sport on eliminating stress hormones is well documented. And regular activity is also proven to prevent stress from building up in the first place.
4. Say “No”
Many people say “yes” to often when they wish they had said “no”. As a result we pile up to many tasks and finally feel we can’t cope anymore: stress emerges. So why do we say “yes” when we mean “no” ? Most people think that “yes” makes them look competent, strong and helpful and that saying “no” is a sign of weakness. Yet, the opposite is true. Saying “no” is a sign of strength. It takes courage to say “no” to a friend or a boss and it shows that you value your own goals, family and friends.
Quick – Fix for Any Stress Situation
Often stress is a matter of perspective. Ask yourself the following questions to find new perspectives that will immediately relieve your stressful feelings:
- Is my life in danger ? Yes: Act quickly ! No: Relax, it’s not all that bad.
- Is the life of someone I love in danger ? Yes: Act quickly ! No: Relax again.
- If I had only 3 more months to live, would I get annoyed now ?
- If I explained my situation to a 4 year-old child, would it understand what I find stressful ?
- Could I imagine that I’d laugh about my current situation in 5 years ? Or in 5 months ? If so, why not laugh about it in 5 minutes ?
Selected to train & run a marathon :-) !
We got selected ! Yeah !!!
A few weeks ago our local newspaper published an article about the Romantik-Marathon that is being held in our region (Füssen/ Schwangau – Alpine Germany) once a year in July. The paper stated that only very few people from the region run it and that 90% of participants come from elsewhere. Determined to change that they were looking for 8 local people to apply and get trained by professionals to run it in exactly….3 months !
To cut a long story short, to surprise my husband I applied – after all we moved here 9 months ago and that kind of makes us “local”, doesn’t it ? . I entered both myself and my husband (who always needs all sorts of physical challenges to stay balanced – luckily I don’t have that problem) for the half marathon and guess what ….they selected us. God knows why….maybe they liked the fact that we chose to move from busy, dusty Dubai to the Alpine region at the border of Germany and Austria….maybe we were the only ones applying …..who knows.
I am totally thrilled ! I love running in the beautiful countryside of our chosen dream location, but I would not have committed to run a marathon or half marathon. Well, whether I like it or not, now I AM committed and strangely, it feels great.
I guess, it must be this great feeling that comes from having a clear goal or a purpose. The next 3 months are dedicated to running.
I am excited to meet the other 6 runners and in 3 days we are all going to be introduced to each other – how exciting !
I am also excited to keep you informed about my experiences as I prepare for the big event (will keep blogging here). Already I seem to be more of a runner ( I love the idea of thinking of myself as a RUNNER). After returning from our holiday in Dubai yesterday at 5 in the afternoon, we immediately put the running shoes on and went for a 40 minute run around lake Hopfen (a beautiful lake in our neighbourhood). My feet were aching and I could feel all those hotspots.
Today I went for the next one: 50 minutes across the fields this time. I dug out a pair of NEW running shoes that I had in my cupboard for more than a year 
and so far never used. An experienced runner-friend 0f ours however advised me to wear a different pair of running shoes for each day of the week I am training, so I remembered those lonely new shoes. Using such a “professional” shoe-strategy so early on in my preparation felt great .
I will keep you posted. Wish me stamina !
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