Choice #1 for Lasting Happiness

“When life gives you lemons, make lemonade !” or “Choose to find and see the bright side”.

Most people believe that our happiness depends on what happens to us, or around us and feel powerless in the face of it. While we can influence some events and circumstances by being pro-active, there are others which are simply out of our control. Do we need to be victims of those events? While we can expect life to continue throwing events at us which we have no control over (both good and bad), we do not need to be victims. Contrary to popular opinion, it is not the event or circumstance that determines our feelings, it is our attitude, perspective and interpretation of it that impacts our feelings. And we are free to choose how we see (perspective), or interpret an event. Allow me to relate a short story which illustrates this:

An old man lived with his only son in a small village. He inherited a large fortune from a distant relative and bought himself a most beautiful horse. The villagers all said “You are so lucky !” to which the man answered “Maybe”. Shortly after the man’s only son took a ride and fell off the horse breaking his leg, unable to help in the household chores from then on. The villagers said “You are so unlucky !” and the man replied “Maybe”. A few days later, a war broke out and all the young men were conscribed and had to go to war except the old man’s injured son. The villager enviously said “You are so lucky !” to which the man replied “Maybe”…..

You can choose how to judge an event that is out of your control depending on the context you see it in. Psychologists and life coaches use this concept frequently and call it Re-framing. To come up with a powerful re-frame ask “What is good about this (bad thing) ?” or “In which way is this an advantage ?” or “What good thing can I learn from this …that might help me in the future ?” Happy people are experts at re-frames!

And while we might not always be able to prevent negative feelings towards an event, we can lower the degree of outside influences. The way to do this is to decide NOT to react immediately. Instead pause and detach yourself for a while, then look at the situation from a larger perspective, find a re-frame, identify your options and choose consciously how you respond.

Exercises for Today:
1. What is the worst thing that happened to you today ? What can you find that is good about it ? Come up with at least 3 answers.

2. Find 3 things you don’t like about yourself. Now ask yourself in what context are these attributes or characteristics good, useful or helpful ?

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